Spiritual Beauty Rest

Lately, I have felt uninspired, underwhelmed, vacant of creativity and just plain hum-drum! Ever felt that way? I suppose so. I don’t know that any of us are immune from the pendulum swing into Blahsville. It just seems I got stuck there, like in the Twilight Zone or on a time-warp continuum of lack-luster existing. Worse, I felt like my spiritual eyes were becoming glazed over by the problems and trials whirling around me. Hope seemed shifty, and for days I was just adrift in ambiguity. God seemed at a distance despite praying and reading His Word.

No, I wouldn’t call it depression, although I suppose my intro sounds like I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Honestly, I don’t expect to live on the precipice of epiphany or inspiration; I might keel over from the shock. I was just at a loss about why I had been lingering so long in this state of apathy. I wanted to serve Him, love others to Him, share Him, but the words and opportunity wouldn’t come – at least, not in the way I thought would be best.

Through the past couple weeks, as I would think on my dim and dismal state, I asked God why my motivation was near melt-down. “On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand” would cross my mind. In the moment that song seemed so out of place and irrelevant that I would just shove it aside and concentrate on my predicament. But it kept coming back, “all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand”. Grrrr! It was irritating. I didn’t feel like singing it and I sure wasn’t getting the message of it… I really thought it was just one of those broken record, stuck-in-a-rut, music annoyances and hoped it would pass. It didn’t.

Turns out, God was using this frame of mind and hymnal prod to direct my attention to a personal weakness. A long standing, people pleasing, earn my keep, perfection driven, high expectation, do it out of my own strength kind of pride. Yup… Pride. I knew in the back of my mind that He was letting me know, straight up, that the only words that are worth their salt are His, not mine. That His timing, not mine, would reap the greatest blessing. I knew it, but I didn’t know where the root of my problem was hiding. Like a pea under my spiritual mattress, it was an irksome thing that had to be found!

One day, after another rendition of the words crossed the vacuity of my mind, I decided to look it up on the internet. Here are the words to that song that I so wrongfully suspected would be pointless in regard to my situation.

My Hope Is Built, by Eward Mote
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

Funny how this song says NOTHING about measuring up to what other people think or expect of me, or if I work hard enough then God will approve of me. Instead it reminds me to wholly lean on the Name of Jesus.

Finally, the Lord let me see. Maybe it was because I finally cried, “Uncle!” or maybe He was getting tired of my whining. But He let me clearly see that I was getting my identity from the wrong source! While I knew my identity in Christ, I continued living as though I believed my worth came when I was doing enough (in my own mind) and pleasing others. Instead, my merit and value need to come from that deep knowing that I am His and He is mine. Nothing else matters. “He wants our significance to come from using our God-given gifts to serve Him, but not from specific accomplishments within that service for Him.” (Pastoring with Passion by Dr. David Holt)

I am the daughter of the King! A Princess in the court of the Most High! And such a wonderful Father could not pass up an opportunity to call attention to that disruptive little pea under the mattress. That irritating lump would surely fester and frustrate, and interfere with what God has in mind. You see, it would keep me from fully resting in Him, and when we don’t rest, we don’t grow. Spiritual Beauty Rest is indeed what we find in the presence of our Lord once we hold all that we are up to Him and surrender.

Even when I don’t feel it, I must trust what God says in His Word: my cup runneth over (Psalm 23:5), and it does because I am justified in Him (Romans 5:1) – completely free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)! Philippians 1:6 says, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (emphasis mine).” It is not our job to do, He who began it will complete it! We get to rest in the privilege and blessing of being able to participate (as He directs) and witness His majesty and creativity. Those lean moments that come, are wholly used to drive us to His lap of love, remind us that all good gifts come from Him alone, and the only true significance is found in who He says we are. He is all we need. Say it with me ’cause it feels so good, “He is ALL I ever need!” Amen, Sister! Forward march!

Mother's Day Gift

Happy Mother’s Day… For most of us, those words feel so good to say to our moms or to other women whom we respect and admire. But why, for so many of us, do those words conjure up feelings of guilt or inadequacy? We look at our children and view them as beautiful gifts. They may be annoying and selfish little beasts at times, but we can easily block out the irritations and frustrations and see them as cherubs dropped directly from the hand of God. We see past their whines and flaws, affording them abounding grace, intent on remembering their smiles, giggles, and successes. So, why don’t we grant ourselves a sliver of that same charity and allow our hearts to completely relish the joy of being loved and appreciated, even for just one day a year? Why do we look at our children and often feel sorry that they must endure us and our mistakes?

The reasons for feelings of inadequacy are endless, with as many varying and unique rationales as there are mothers. Yet they all point back to one thing, as specific, longstanding, and maternal as Eve herself ~ expectations that are outside of God’s directions, followed by our futile attempts to meet those expectations in our own strength. You know it’s true! Think about it. Did God give you a command to do the things that you think ought to be done? Or, have you created for yourself a vision of an ideal, perfect mom that you strive to become? Honestly, Mama, that ideal is really just an idol ~ a figment of your imagination, whose picture hangs on the wall of your heart and blocks the beautiful masterpiece that God has in mind. Your personal “Super Mom” definition is nothing more than a leech and a joy sucker.

Is that what God intended for you? Certainly not! Your Father in heaven looks upon you with love, deep affection, and abundant grace. He hand-selected a child, or children, that He wants you to love, nurture and return to Him with open hands. He didn’t just think your children would be a blessing to you, dear Sister. No, He also knows you to be a blessing to these little “chitlins” He chose to put in your care. He created and fully knows the mother’s heart that you carry within. He gave you specific gifts and talents that would compliment the personalities of your kids. I know that doesn’t always seem true, especially in the moments of tantrums, teenage years, or prodigal tragedies, but His plan is perfect. He sees the story from beginning to end. He knows what He is doing, Mama.

Give yourself a Mother’s Day gift this year and cut yourself some slack. Let your Father reveal His plan for your life and your mothering, and let yourself enjoy the ride. Following Christ and allowing God to direct your day is freedom beyond compare. Yes, this will likely mean less doing and more resting in Him and in the moment. Yet this is where the memories are made, Mama, where you will gain access to your child’s heart. You will hear the details of dreams and hopes, fears and tears. These are the gifts of your motherhood AND his/her childhood. These are the times when you will touch your dear one deeply, the way you had hoped to, the first time you saw that sweet face. Will you be remembered for baking five dozen cupcakes for the bake sale? Maybe. But you will definitely be remembered for the day you let her paint your toenails, or the walk when he told you about his first crush.

Children are resilient and full of grace. As long as our mistakes are followed with love and the opportunity for forgiveness, their wide and deep hearts can manage our shortcomings. Don’t read in here that I am suggesting to excuse or wash over abuses; I am talking about the good-willed mom who wants to love well. We all make mistakes and we will all have regrets. Just don’t stay there in the wallow, Sister. Don’t try to salvage your imperfection by trying to attain the impossible. Throw yourself upon the great mercies of the Father, and ask Him to again direct your path. He longs to show you that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He will use you to raise up His children, and through you He will impact them for eternity! Sounds like a huge and impossible responsibility, and it would be on our own. All we are called to do is focus the eyes of our heart on Him and trust Him to do the rest. He is able!

2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (NIV)