Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His Glory and Grace...
Helen H. Lemmel
Oh, how messy life can be! You might feel as though you've got it all pretty squared away and the things of life are moving along in the right direction... and WHAM! Someone, or something, puts a kink in your air hose and you find yourself fighting to reach the surface of sanity and for a breath of relief. All of a sudden, you are struggling to keep your head above the waters of despair, grief, anger, fear, or all of the above. We fight against the feelings of being overwhelmed, or at other times, we are paralyzed by worry and anxiety over tragedy and other things out of our control. After exhausting and draining every bit of our waning energy, we fall into bed at night unable to sleep and recharge as we rehearse our next move, think through the worst case scenarios, or spend worry on the endless possibilities.
WHY? Why do we even attempt to battle, defend, work, run and manipulate when the Word of God clearly tells us to rest... Rest in Him. Sisters, when we carry on out of our own strength and determination in the throws of trouble, we are disobeying direct orders from our Commander in Chief and we sin. Why do we press on in pride trying to handle things on our own? It makes no sense, yet I have struggled with this time and again. We tell the Almighty God of the universe, Creator of heaven and earth, that we are grateful that He sent His Son to die for us and raised Him from the dead. However, our actions are in contrast saying, "I don't trust You to take care of me or my problems. I got this one, I'll handle it." I might as well say to the Father, "I can throw my hands up in worship before a congregation of people, I will tell of Your wonders and grace, but I will not trust You to save me, carry me or heal me." Sisters, if this is all there is to Christianity and we are left alone to fend for ourselves, then why make Jesus our Lord and SAVIOR in the first place?
The beauty and blessing of being a child of the Most High God, is that He promises to love us, protect us, and use ALL things, even the greatest tragedy, for our good! He can redeem it all! All we must do is learn to rest and trust in Him. (Psalm 37:7) This may be difficult in the beginning, not because He makes it so, but because our flesh does. Although, if we continually call on Him for His peace that passes all understanding, and if we take every thought captive and hold them up to the light of His Word and Truth; He will train our hearts and minds to die unto our flesh and rest in His strong, capable, and loving arms.
It is in these times that our wonderful God draws us near if we will stop for a moment, ignore the whirling winds around us and listen to His calling... Calling to be still, stand and watch as He takes what we have, even the worst we can imagine, and see Him create beauty from ashes. (Ephesians 6:13, Isaiah 61:3) He will draw back the choking waters about our heads and turn it into wine that is sweet to our lips. He will strengthen our weary backs burdened with the things of life and uphold us with His mighty right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Oh, believe me, I can complain with the best of them in the midst of such worrisome and grievous days! Although, when I stop and press into Him instead, I find that these are some of the greatest moments with my Father. I now look forward to those times, ones so personally miraculous that they are indelibly written on my mind and spirit and can be recalled when other dark days come. Not to say that I want to invite trouble, but there is nothing like the moment when I finally decide to hold out my hands and give up my pathetic attempts to control my situation and life... and He lifts the burden from me, and I can almost tangibly feel the weight depart as His gentle love surrounds me. It is then that my light and momentary troubles seem to wash away. I can breath again and that deep indwelling joy begins to bubble back up to the surface and overflow, in the knowing that all of these things will be used for an eternal glory that will outweigh them all! (2 Corinthians 4:16-18) I love that place. That place in Him, where my spirit can find rest.
Will you hold out your troubles to Him today, and trust Him to complete the good work He started in your life? (Philippians 1:6) Will you allow Him to be more than just a passing thought or prayer at the dinner table, and allow Him to be your Savior? Your Friend? Your Protector? Your Provider? Your Rock? He is waiting for you, dear Sister, and He is able!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Ephesians 3: 17-19 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (New Living Translation)
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Bible references from the New International Version, unless otherwise noted.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Daughters, Dads, and the One True Father
I was with my Bible study girls yesterday. We are on our usual summer hiatus because of all the activities of summer, but there are a few of us who want and need the fellowship and accountability. Without even realizing the timing of our conversation with Father's day fast approaching, the girls set out to comfort one of our own whose earthly father has been less than perfect. Years of grief over his abuse, lack of understanding and selfish ways had taken their toll. Her heart for this man, that she hoped would love her, was broken.
This precious group of women shared one by one the deep wounds their hearts had also suffered as children and adults. One friend told about the hurt of never knowing her biological father. She was the product of her mother's adulterous relationship, who along with her husband, decided to raise her. Who knows if it was his resentment of the relationship that produced this dear Sister, or if he was simply a sick man; but the father she knew repeatedly abused her for his own selfish gratification.
Another woman shared how she and her mother were abandoned by her father and she never knew him, always wondering if he loved her or if he even cared that she was alive. She wrote him letter after letter growing up, never once receiving any response. Her childhood followed a mother through various relationships and no real decent man to call on as "daddy."
Even another Sister expressed how she lived the presumed "perfect family life" with a mother and father committed to one another. Yet her father was a perfectionist and she never felt as though she could measure up and meet his expectations. She lived through her childhood feeling like an unaccepted failure.
The young woman, who was so hurt by her disappointment in her dad, listened intently to the devastating stories. You might think that the grief piled up as these women shared, but actually, it was quite the opposite. What came through each story loud and clear was the nearness of Christ as He met them in their hurt and longing to be loved. Every daughter has a deep desire (one of these Sister's even described it as desperation) to be loved and valued by a father. What was learned through the pain of unfilled voids that sought a daddy's adoration was that their true Father in heaven loved them completely and would heal all their wounds.
These women found that they had to stop counting on mere humans for fulfillment, completion, happiness, love, approval, acceptance, security and so much more. Instead, they now choose to place their full trust and hearts in the hands of Jesus, and they are finally free. Liberty came at the realization that these dads, as well as everyone else in their lives, would surely disappoint simply because of their human frailty. Now they are free to accept these men for who they are and what they lacked. They can love them with the same love that Christ first showed them, with hearts full of grace and forgiveness, no longer burdened with bitterness and hurt. Moreover, they shared the victory in following the Lord and marrying the men of His choosing, men that are all they could hope for as fathers to their children.
I won't suggest that all the pain is gone all the time, they never suggested that. However, when the little things come that remind them of past injuries, and the sting begins to well up, they turn to their true Father who will never leave them or forsake them. (Hebrews 13:5) They climb into the lap of His love and feel His arms of strength, security and protection wrap around them. They are able to rest in the knowing that He alone is their identity, hope, and eternity. NOTHING can separate them from His love. (Romans 8:38-39, Hebrews 4:16)
I have had my feelings crushed by people in the past, mostly due to poor decisions on my part. However, my dad was a blessing to me growing up. I remember him as a leader, a firm disciplinarian with a gentle hand and always a hug, having a genuine interest in everything I did or said... Allowing me to feel secure in knowing I could always approach him and be lovingly received. His example is a wonderful reflection of our Father in heaven. As I listened to these women I was again reminded of the blessing and gift of my dad, but also, how faithful our Father God is to use all things for good. God redeemed, for His glory, the deficits in the lives of these women. (Romans 8:28)
Though I might have initially considered these accounts as loss in their lives, nothing could be further from the truth! Surely it would be loss without faith in Christ, but with Him, even these tragedies worked to build strength, character, and greater faith and hope. These women have such a sweet and deep reliance and trust in their Lord. There is a peace of heart grounded in the promise of His approval, acceptance and devotion to them. They are filled to overflowing with the joy of being a daughter truly loved and valued. This assurance and confidence in their Father and God is something that many believers seek to know. So, any loss has become their gain in Christ! I am so thankful for these sisters, their testimonies, and their willingness to share with us how God has revealed to them who their true Father is. For them, He is all that matters. With this in mind, we can all give thanks this Father's Day for a Daddy's love that will never fail.
2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
John 1:12-13 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in His Name, He gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
Psalm 68:5 A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.
Hebrews 13:5b In a variety of translations to emphasize how much He cares for you!
...God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (New International Version)
...God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." (New Living Translation)
...He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (English Standard Version)
...He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU." (New American Standard Bible)
...God has said, "I will never leave you or abandon you." (International Standard Version)
...God has said, "I will never abandon you or leave you." (God's Word Translation)
Bible references taken from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.
This precious group of women shared one by one the deep wounds their hearts had also suffered as children and adults. One friend told about the hurt of never knowing her biological father. She was the product of her mother's adulterous relationship, who along with her husband, decided to raise her. Who knows if it was his resentment of the relationship that produced this dear Sister, or if he was simply a sick man; but the father she knew repeatedly abused her for his own selfish gratification.
Another woman shared how she and her mother were abandoned by her father and she never knew him, always wondering if he loved her or if he even cared that she was alive. She wrote him letter after letter growing up, never once receiving any response. Her childhood followed a mother through various relationships and no real decent man to call on as "daddy."
Even another Sister expressed how she lived the presumed "perfect family life" with a mother and father committed to one another. Yet her father was a perfectionist and she never felt as though she could measure up and meet his expectations. She lived through her childhood feeling like an unaccepted failure.
The young woman, who was so hurt by her disappointment in her dad, listened intently to the devastating stories. You might think that the grief piled up as these women shared, but actually, it was quite the opposite. What came through each story loud and clear was the nearness of Christ as He met them in their hurt and longing to be loved. Every daughter has a deep desire (one of these Sister's even described it as desperation) to be loved and valued by a father. What was learned through the pain of unfilled voids that sought a daddy's adoration was that their true Father in heaven loved them completely and would heal all their wounds.
These women found that they had to stop counting on mere humans for fulfillment, completion, happiness, love, approval, acceptance, security and so much more. Instead, they now choose to place their full trust and hearts in the hands of Jesus, and they are finally free. Liberty came at the realization that these dads, as well as everyone else in their lives, would surely disappoint simply because of their human frailty. Now they are free to accept these men for who they are and what they lacked. They can love them with the same love that Christ first showed them, with hearts full of grace and forgiveness, no longer burdened with bitterness and hurt. Moreover, they shared the victory in following the Lord and marrying the men of His choosing, men that are all they could hope for as fathers to their children.
I won't suggest that all the pain is gone all the time, they never suggested that. However, when the little things come that remind them of past injuries, and the sting begins to well up, they turn to their true Father who will never leave them or forsake them. (Hebrews 13:5) They climb into the lap of His love and feel His arms of strength, security and protection wrap around them. They are able to rest in the knowing that He alone is their identity, hope, and eternity. NOTHING can separate them from His love. (Romans 8:38-39, Hebrews 4:16)
I have had my feelings crushed by people in the past, mostly due to poor decisions on my part. However, my dad was a blessing to me growing up. I remember him as a leader, a firm disciplinarian with a gentle hand and always a hug, having a genuine interest in everything I did or said... Allowing me to feel secure in knowing I could always approach him and be lovingly received. His example is a wonderful reflection of our Father in heaven. As I listened to these women I was again reminded of the blessing and gift of my dad, but also, how faithful our Father God is to use all things for good. God redeemed, for His glory, the deficits in the lives of these women. (Romans 8:28)
Though I might have initially considered these accounts as loss in their lives, nothing could be further from the truth! Surely it would be loss without faith in Christ, but with Him, even these tragedies worked to build strength, character, and greater faith and hope. These women have such a sweet and deep reliance and trust in their Lord. There is a peace of heart grounded in the promise of His approval, acceptance and devotion to them. They are filled to overflowing with the joy of being a daughter truly loved and valued. This assurance and confidence in their Father and God is something that many believers seek to know. So, any loss has become their gain in Christ! I am so thankful for these sisters, their testimonies, and their willingness to share with us how God has revealed to them who their true Father is. For them, He is all that matters. With this in mind, we can all give thanks this Father's Day for a Daddy's love that will never fail.
2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
John 1:12-13 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in His Name, He gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
Psalm 68:5 A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.
Hebrews 13:5b In a variety of translations to emphasize how much He cares for you!
...God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (New International Version)
...God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." (New Living Translation)
...He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (English Standard Version)
...He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU." (New American Standard Bible)
...God has said, "I will never leave you or abandon you." (International Standard Version)
...God has said, "I will never abandon you or leave you." (God's Word Translation)
Bible references taken from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Who Is the Beholder of Your Beauty?
"Mama?" My five year old daughter asked quietly.
"Yeah?" I answered.
"Julie says that her Mama told her that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world."
"Huh?" I asked, giving her my full attention.
"She said that if her Mama said it, then it's true." She looked at me with questioning eyes.
"Hmmmm." My mind whirling as it donned on me how destructive these simple little "loving" comments could really be.
"Is it true Mama? Is she the most beautiful girl in the whole world? Her Mama tells her that every night before she goes to bed." She searched my face for a response and reassurance.
I took my daughter's hand, sat her down with me and looked her straight in the eye. "Yes." I said, seeing the surprise of disappointment on the most beautiful face I have ever seen. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world, to her Mama. Sometimes, Mama's can only see beauty in their own children. Her Mama wasn't lying to Julie; she probably believes what she says. But, what she said isn't true to everyone. Do you understand?"
"No." She said with tears starting to well in her eyes.
I realized in that moment that my daughter wanted me to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I wanted to cave and tell her what she wanted to hear. Then, I realized that I had allowed the values of the world to begin to shape my daughter's perspective of what was important about her. I had not intervened and directed her to who Christ says that she is. I had even contributed to the frailty of her developing self value by putting emphasis more on her outward appearance than on her heart and relationship with Jesus. That was the changing moment, and I asked God to help me to know what to say next. I didn't want to hurt her, but I had to disappoint her with truth in love, so that she would not be devastated later by the lie she had been learning. The lie that so many of us get sucked into, and waste time, money and energy on instead of things of true value. In retrospect, maybe I could have been more gentle. Although, in the moment, I didn't have the benefit of hindsight. In fact, I was quite disturbed by the worldly education of superficial values she was already being indoctrinated with. So I continued on.
"You are a beautiful girl. God made you. He created every detail of you, and there is no one like you. But... there will always be someone prettier, smarter, or more creative than you are, or I am." She was really upset now. "They are prettier, smarter and more creative because that is what the world says they are. The 'world' is what people think and believe. But those things are NOT what God says is important. It isn't fair for Julie's Mama to tell her those things."
"Why?" She cut in.
"She means it to be nice, but really, Julie is only going to be sad when she realizes that not everyone thinks that she is the prettiest girl in the whole world." She looked at me intently. "It would be better if Julie's Mama told her how she is beautiful to God." As I was talking, I realized I had been doing just as poorly in this area of parenting as Julie's mother. "What really matters is who God says we are, and what HE says is beautiful about us."
"What does He say?" She asked.
"God says that what is beautiful about us is our hearts - the inside person; how we love Him and want to know Him; how we love others and serve others for Him. These are the things that are really beautiful and the Bible teaches us how to have this kind of beauty. We are supposed to take care of our bodies because God gave them to us and they are His temple, but they are not what is most important about us. What is truly beautiful about you is that you love Jesus and you want to know Him more. You are His child, His treasure; He loves you and wants you with Him. You are His beautiful creation, He knows everything about you and will ALWAYS love you."
Relief and joy flooded her face. She hugged me like I had told her the best news in the entire world, and really, I finally had. His truth set her free. Free to seek the Lord's approval instead of people's approval.
Surely, the female mind and heart love to hear that she is beautiful. Being "pretty" in a princess dress to "lovely" in a wedding gown are addresses to our femininity, and they bless us. The trick is, to teach our children not to desire this approval above all else. It would be better to raise a daughter who appreciates a complement, but wholly desires to know who she is in Christ. Of course we want her husband to appreciate her beauty. However, it is far more important that she is drawn to a man who thinks her walk with Christ is her most beautiful quality.
Maybe you believed the lies about what the world told you is beautiful. Maybe you have unwittingly taught your children these things as well. It can be hard to avoid in this superficial world we live in. Don't despair; simply turn to your Father in heaven! He wants to show you just how precious and beautiful you are to Him. He will forgive your missteps and give your heart and mind a new perspective, if you ask Him. He will grow in you a beauty that will not fade.
After that conversation, my daughter loved to say, "I am God's beautiful creation!"... She is, and so are you!
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
Bible references taken from the New International Version
"Yeah?" I answered.
"Julie says that her Mama told her that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world."
"Huh?" I asked, giving her my full attention.
"She said that if her Mama said it, then it's true." She looked at me with questioning eyes.
"Hmmmm." My mind whirling as it donned on me how destructive these simple little "loving" comments could really be.
"Is it true Mama? Is she the most beautiful girl in the whole world? Her Mama tells her that every night before she goes to bed." She searched my face for a response and reassurance.
I took my daughter's hand, sat her down with me and looked her straight in the eye. "Yes." I said, seeing the surprise of disappointment on the most beautiful face I have ever seen. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world, to her Mama. Sometimes, Mama's can only see beauty in their own children. Her Mama wasn't lying to Julie; she probably believes what she says. But, what she said isn't true to everyone. Do you understand?"
"No." She said with tears starting to well in her eyes.
I realized in that moment that my daughter wanted me to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I wanted to cave and tell her what she wanted to hear. Then, I realized that I had allowed the values of the world to begin to shape my daughter's perspective of what was important about her. I had not intervened and directed her to who Christ says that she is. I had even contributed to the frailty of her developing self value by putting emphasis more on her outward appearance than on her heart and relationship with Jesus. That was the changing moment, and I asked God to help me to know what to say next. I didn't want to hurt her, but I had to disappoint her with truth in love, so that she would not be devastated later by the lie she had been learning. The lie that so many of us get sucked into, and waste time, money and energy on instead of things of true value. In retrospect, maybe I could have been more gentle. Although, in the moment, I didn't have the benefit of hindsight. In fact, I was quite disturbed by the worldly education of superficial values she was already being indoctrinated with. So I continued on.
"You are a beautiful girl. God made you. He created every detail of you, and there is no one like you. But... there will always be someone prettier, smarter, or more creative than you are, or I am." She was really upset now. "They are prettier, smarter and more creative because that is what the world says they are. The 'world' is what people think and believe. But those things are NOT what God says is important. It isn't fair for Julie's Mama to tell her those things."
"Why?" She cut in.
"She means it to be nice, but really, Julie is only going to be sad when she realizes that not everyone thinks that she is the prettiest girl in the whole world." She looked at me intently. "It would be better if Julie's Mama told her how she is beautiful to God." As I was talking, I realized I had been doing just as poorly in this area of parenting as Julie's mother. "What really matters is who God says we are, and what HE says is beautiful about us."
"What does He say?" She asked.
"God says that what is beautiful about us is our hearts - the inside person; how we love Him and want to know Him; how we love others and serve others for Him. These are the things that are really beautiful and the Bible teaches us how to have this kind of beauty. We are supposed to take care of our bodies because God gave them to us and they are His temple, but they are not what is most important about us. What is truly beautiful about you is that you love Jesus and you want to know Him more. You are His child, His treasure; He loves you and wants you with Him. You are His beautiful creation, He knows everything about you and will ALWAYS love you."
Relief and joy flooded her face. She hugged me like I had told her the best news in the entire world, and really, I finally had. His truth set her free. Free to seek the Lord's approval instead of people's approval.
Surely, the female mind and heart love to hear that she is beautiful. Being "pretty" in a princess dress to "lovely" in a wedding gown are addresses to our femininity, and they bless us. The trick is, to teach our children not to desire this approval above all else. It would be better to raise a daughter who appreciates a complement, but wholly desires to know who she is in Christ. Of course we want her husband to appreciate her beauty. However, it is far more important that she is drawn to a man who thinks her walk with Christ is her most beautiful quality.
Maybe you believed the lies about what the world told you is beautiful. Maybe you have unwittingly taught your children these things as well. It can be hard to avoid in this superficial world we live in. Don't despair; simply turn to your Father in heaven! He wants to show you just how precious and beautiful you are to Him. He will forgive your missteps and give your heart and mind a new perspective, if you ask Him. He will grow in you a beauty that will not fade.
After that conversation, my daughter loved to say, "I am God's beautiful creation!"... She is, and so are you!
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
Bible references taken from the New International Version
Friday, May 28, 2010
Premarital Sex... It Gets Worse
OK Sisters, it is time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Yep, we are going to talk about sex–risks of premarital sex, to be more to the point—and some of the medical effects you may not be aware of. Sure, you probably got the spiel from your 6th or 7th grade health teacher. However, there is some recent news out there that is going to transform the way you think about sexually transmitted diseases... and if it doesn't, then baby, we need to pray about your death wish!
I was listening to a medical study review (nerdy, I know) on the radio the other day and I was reminded of how loving God is. He is not (contrary to what some believe) a "Fun-Sucker" or a "Kill Joy." He is quite the opposite, really. He is the Creator of everything that is good, including laughter, love, marriage and yes—sex. However, He is also a loving Father who wants the best for His children; and despite our sinful nature, I believe He wants to keep us from making decisions that will cut short our days. This is why the Bible is so frank about one such decision: whether or not to have sex outside of marriage. Now, don't go closing this post thinking, "BOOORRRRRRING, irrelevant, old-fashioned!" or "Been there, done that, this one doesn't apply to me!" Wrong! There is no one more relevant than Jesus and nothing more relevant than His Word.
I was listening to a medical study review (nerdy, I know) on the radio the other day and I was reminded of how loving God is. He is not (contrary to what some believe) a "Fun-Sucker" or a "Kill Joy." He is quite the opposite, really. He is the Creator of everything that is good, including laughter, love, marriage and yes—sex. However, He is also a loving Father who wants the best for His children; and despite our sinful nature, I believe He wants to keep us from making decisions that will cut short our days. This is why the Bible is so frank about one such decision: whether or not to have sex outside of marriage. Now, don't go closing this post thinking, "BOOORRRRRRING, irrelevant, old-fashioned!" or "Been there, done that, this one doesn't apply to me!" Wrong! There is no one more relevant than Jesus and nothing more relevant than His Word.
The medical study revealed that new research shows many cancers are actually secondary to infection... Sister, "secondary to infection" means that certain infections cause cancer. In particular, viral infections, and even more specifically, infections from sexually transited diseases (STDs). Sadly, medical research is finding that these STDs can and often do cause cancers later in life.
For example, you probably already know that certain strains of Human Papilloma virus, or HPV (genital warts), can cause deadly cervical cancer (not to mention other life altering effects, like the inability to have children). To make matters worse, many men are unaware that they are carriers of HPV because they often don't show signs or symptoms. This is tragic, since many men will unknowingly infect their bride, the love of their life, once they decide to settle down. She will then bear the consequences of his and other people's poor choices.
That's fine, because it won't happen to you, right? Well, wait a minute! Let's just bring this information down to a reality level, and the consequences into your own backyard. It is now estimated that 20 million people are infected in theUSA
Then there’s "Kissing Disease." As a nurse, this one was a shocker for me to hear. Mononucleosis or Epstein Barr virus, aka "Mono" is actually linked to head and neck cancers, lymphoma, aggressive breast cancers and pediatric cancers. Other breast cancers are now being linked to other viruses as well—viruses transmitted by sex.
Another common infection, Trichomoniasis (7.4 MILLION new cases each year in theUSA
All of this goes way beyond our previous thinking that most STDs are just irritating infections that could be medically treated and the effects eliminated... These studies show that even though a person may be successfully treated for a "less serious" STD, there can still be devastating effects from these things later in life. Out the door goes the notion of HIV/AIDS as the only deadly STD.
So... How do I tie all this stuff to the idea that we have such a loving God? Dear Sister, He tells us to avoid premarital sex, casual sex, and adultery to SAVE US! Not to upset our fun! Once sin entered this world, He knew what the consequences would be for different choices and sins. God is not old fashioned, He has been ahead of our medical knowledge all along. He warns us in His Word to lovingly protect us. Does a child have to know the extent of injury they will experience if they touch a hot stove, in order to obey instructions not to touch it? NO! We expect our children to trust us and respect us enough to obey, despite their understanding of consequences.
It is time to trust the Lord for His love, direction and protection. Listening and obeying Him, in all things, even if we don't fully understand why. Jesus says in John 10:10b that he came that we might have life and have it abundantly. If we follow His leading in our lives, we can trust that He will bless us. However, do you know what the first half of that verse says? "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." Anything not of God, is of who? Sin and/or the enemy, and what is the result? Death. God couldn't be more plain about the Truth, so why do we ignore it?
I Corinthians6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." Why then would we doubt God's relevance? There is more disease and death due to sexual sin than any other time in history. Our culture and others are bearing the fruit of that sin in disease and death.
If you have been infected with an STD in the past, my point here is not to scare you. Instead, my intent is to give you the head knowledge you need to take care of yourself. Mostly, I hope this awakens your spirit to relying on God for His direction. If you have concerns, talk these things over with your doctor next time you see him/her. Even more importantly, talk these things over with God! If your health is at risk, ask your church elders to council you and lay hands on you for healing. God is bigger than all these things, but He also gives us direction to protect us and help us avoid trouble.
Unfortunately, this post has only covered a glimpse of the terrible effects casual sex can have on your physical body. As so many of us know, it carries an even higher price for our hearts and minds. The damage to the physical body is just a shadow of what it does to the spirit. So, spare yourself the hurt, and enjoy the freedom and thrill that comes from waiting for God's perfect choice for you in a husband. The blessings will be countless for you as well as your spouse! 2 Timothy 2:22 tells us to flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
For those who are struggling with the hurt of past mistakes, take heart! God can heal and restore your spirit. You may have waded through the mire, but He will pull you out and set your feet on solid ground. He can make your heart, and even your body, whole again. Just because we have sinned doesn't mean that we cannot begin with a renewed heart today! The Bible says, and that lovely song goes, "Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me!" So, sit tight and give your loving Heavenly Father the opportunity to start fresh in you today, and provide you with the protection He desires for the body He created for you. If you need encouragement, please contact me here.
For example, you probably already know that certain strains of Human Papilloma virus, or HPV (genital warts), can cause deadly cervical cancer (not to mention other life altering effects, like the inability to have children). To make matters worse, many men are unaware that they are carriers of HPV because they often don't show signs or symptoms. This is tragic, since many men will unknowingly infect their bride, the love of their life, once they decide to settle down. She will then bear the consequences of his and other people's poor choices.
That's fine, because it won't happen to you, right? Well, wait a minute! Let's just bring this information down to a reality level, and the consequences into your own backyard. It is now estimated that 20 million people are infected in the
Then there’s "Kissing Disease." As a nurse, this one was a shocker for me to hear. Mononucleosis or Epstein Barr virus, aka "Mono" is actually linked to head and neck cancers, lymphoma, aggressive breast cancers and pediatric cancers. Other breast cancers are now being linked to other viruses as well—viruses transmitted by sex.
Another common infection, Trichomoniasis (7.4 MILLION new cases each year in the
All of this goes way beyond our previous thinking that most STDs are just irritating infections that could be medically treated and the effects eliminated... These studies show that even though a person may be successfully treated for a "less serious" STD, there can still be devastating effects from these things later in life. Out the door goes the notion of HIV/AIDS as the only deadly STD.
So... How do I tie all this stuff to the idea that we have such a loving God? Dear Sister, He tells us to avoid premarital sex, casual sex, and adultery to SAVE US! Not to upset our fun! Once sin entered this world, He knew what the consequences would be for different choices and sins. God is not old fashioned, He has been ahead of our medical knowledge all along. He warns us in His Word to lovingly protect us. Does a child have to know the extent of injury they will experience if they touch a hot stove, in order to obey instructions not to touch it? NO! We expect our children to trust us and respect us enough to obey, despite their understanding of consequences.
It is time to trust the Lord for His love, direction and protection. Listening and obeying Him, in all things, even if we don't fully understand why. Jesus says in John 10:10b that he came that we might have life and have it abundantly. If we follow His leading in our lives, we can trust that He will bless us. However, do you know what the first half of that verse says? "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." Anything not of God, is of who? Sin and/or the enemy, and what is the result? Death. God couldn't be more plain about the Truth, so why do we ignore it?
I Corinthians
If you have been infected with an STD in the past, my point here is not to scare you. Instead, my intent is to give you the head knowledge you need to take care of yourself. Mostly, I hope this awakens your spirit to relying on God for His direction. If you have concerns, talk these things over with your doctor next time you see him/her. Even more importantly, talk these things over with God! If your health is at risk, ask your church elders to council you and lay hands on you for healing. God is bigger than all these things, but He also gives us direction to protect us and help us avoid trouble.
Unfortunately, this post has only covered a glimpse of the terrible effects casual sex can have on your physical body. As so many of us know, it carries an even higher price for our hearts and minds. The damage to the physical body is just a shadow of what it does to the spirit. So, spare yourself the hurt, and enjoy the freedom and thrill that comes from waiting for God's perfect choice for you in a husband. The blessings will be countless for you as well as your spouse! 2 Timothy 2:22 tells us to flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
For those who are struggling with the hurt of past mistakes, take heart! God can heal and restore your spirit. You may have waded through the mire, but He will pull you out and set your feet on solid ground. He can make your heart, and even your body, whole again. Just because we have sinned doesn't mean that we cannot begin with a renewed heart today! The Bible says, and that lovely song goes, "Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me!" So, sit tight and give your loving Heavenly Father the opportunity to start fresh in you today, and provide you with the protection He desires for the body He created for you. If you need encouragement, please contact me here.
Biblical references found in the NASB and NIV translations.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Come Just As You Are
Are you here looking? Are you trying to find out if this Jesus you have heard about is for real? Are you wondering if it is possible to really believe the Bible, the Word of God? Maybe you are questioning whether or not you are worthy? Maybe you are thinking that you need to clean up your act before you take your opportunity to meet Jesus? Do you think that He won't want to hear from you until you get yourself together?
Nothing could be further from the truth! If you are feeling a tug at your heart, if you want to know more - know this: God Himself is pursuing you, calling you, wanting you to know Him, and wanting you to understand how much He loves you JUST AS YOU ARE! The very God of the universe is waiting for you, is deeply interested in every detail about you, and is longing for a relationship with you!
Jesus, God's Son, didn't come to earth to spend time with "perfect" people or the "righteous." He came to be with sinners, like you and I, not to stoop or fall to our level, but to love us up to His - by His grace, mercy and salvation. He came to die for your sins and mine, but would have endured it all, even if it was just for one of us.
He wants to fill the holes in your heart that hurt, grief, and disappointment have made. He wants to relieve your fears. He wants to give you peace that passes all understanding. He wants to set your feet on firm ground and lead you down the path and perfect plan He has for your life. He wants to bring joy to your heart. He wants to show you the love you have been looking for your entire life. He wants you to see how beautiful you are to Him, His precious child and incredible creation. He wants you to spend eternity with Him.
It sounds so good, doesn't it? What are you waiting for? Are you thinking that you want this to be true and you want to believe, but... You know, there was a man in the Bible who's heart struggled with belief and he was even able to meet Jesus face to face! Still, he struggled with faith. I believe this man's story was included in the Bible for the reassurance of your heart.
In the book of Mark chapter 9, we read about a man whose son was suffering because of demon possession. The man came to Jesus and asked, "...But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us. "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (vs. 22b-24)
If you too are struggling with belief, simply ask Jesus to overcome it in you! Tell Him you want Him to be the Lord of your life and that you want to turn from your sins and be forgiven. Ask Him to help you walk in His love and forgiveness, and teach you the fullness of His grace. Ask Him to help you believe that He can do all that He says He can in and through you! Ask Him for support and council through people who love Him and who will disciple you. He will do it! Just as you are, He will receive you and make you new. Don't try to clean yourself up first; it is an impossible task for anyone. Let Him pour out His love and Holy Spirit upon you, this is what will wash your heart and life clean.
Our pastor spoke on this subject last Sunday. He put it this way, "Jesus called His disciples to be fishers of men. Now, I may not be a fisherman, but I do know one thing. You have to catch a fish before you can clean it!" So true! Let Jesus capture your heart and life today, and He will take care of the rest!
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Romans 10:9-13 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Song: Come Just As You Are, Crystal Lewis
Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
come and live forever
Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come just as you are
Don't you hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Christ my King
Come and live forevermore
Biblical references taken from the New International Version
Nothing could be further from the truth! If you are feeling a tug at your heart, if you want to know more - know this: God Himself is pursuing you, calling you, wanting you to know Him, and wanting you to understand how much He loves you JUST AS YOU ARE! The very God of the universe is waiting for you, is deeply interested in every detail about you, and is longing for a relationship with you!
Jesus, God's Son, didn't come to earth to spend time with "perfect" people or the "righteous." He came to be with sinners, like you and I, not to stoop or fall to our level, but to love us up to His - by His grace, mercy and salvation. He came to die for your sins and mine, but would have endured it all, even if it was just for one of us.
He wants to fill the holes in your heart that hurt, grief, and disappointment have made. He wants to relieve your fears. He wants to give you peace that passes all understanding. He wants to set your feet on firm ground and lead you down the path and perfect plan He has for your life. He wants to bring joy to your heart. He wants to show you the love you have been looking for your entire life. He wants you to see how beautiful you are to Him, His precious child and incredible creation. He wants you to spend eternity with Him.
It sounds so good, doesn't it? What are you waiting for? Are you thinking that you want this to be true and you want to believe, but... You know, there was a man in the Bible who's heart struggled with belief and he was even able to meet Jesus face to face! Still, he struggled with faith. I believe this man's story was included in the Bible for the reassurance of your heart.
In the book of Mark chapter 9, we read about a man whose son was suffering because of demon possession. The man came to Jesus and asked, "...But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us. "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (vs. 22b-24)
If you too are struggling with belief, simply ask Jesus to overcome it in you! Tell Him you want Him to be the Lord of your life and that you want to turn from your sins and be forgiven. Ask Him to help you walk in His love and forgiveness, and teach you the fullness of His grace. Ask Him to help you believe that He can do all that He says He can in and through you! Ask Him for support and council through people who love Him and who will disciple you. He will do it! Just as you are, He will receive you and make you new. Don't try to clean yourself up first; it is an impossible task for anyone. Let Him pour out His love and Holy Spirit upon you, this is what will wash your heart and life clean.
Our pastor spoke on this subject last Sunday. He put it this way, "Jesus called His disciples to be fishers of men. Now, I may not be a fisherman, but I do know one thing. You have to catch a fish before you can clean it!" So true! Let Jesus capture your heart and life today, and He will take care of the rest!
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Romans 10:9-13 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Song: Come Just As You Are, Crystal Lewis
Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
come and live forever
Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Come just as you are
Don't you hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Christ my King
Come and live forevermore
Biblical references taken from the New International Version
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Porn Dust In His Eye, Fantasy Plank In Hers
You have likely heard those words of Jesus' that can be found in a couple places in the Gospel, as in Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your bother's eye."
Sisters, why do we as women look down so smugly, so disgustingly, on men who struggle with the sin of pornography? Why do we have even an ounce of self-righteousness, when there is such an insidious sin that is no less damaging, invading the lives and hearts of countless women both in and out of the church? Yet this is rarely touched on. It is possible, that men don't understand the depth to which this stronghold in women's lives is damaging their marriages, and so they leave it alone. Instead, often they are guilted into believing that they are solely responsible for the breakdown in a marriage because of their wandering eyes... But have you ever stopped to consider the damage of a wandering heart and mind?
Sure, the pornography industry is booming these days, and it is nothing less than gross. But ladies, just as popular with females, has been the fantasy industry. Like porn, with its pictures, videos, websites, etc., fantasy comes in various forms too. Romance novels being a huge outlet, plus movies, TV shows, talk shows, and reality shows. Oh yes, and magazines that perpetuate the more popular fictional and celebrity romances. They create buzzes about other possibilities for our love lives through their quizzes and fake sex questions. This "entertainment" is effortlessly able to drag the mind down winding roads of "what ifs," sucking women down fruitless paths by imagining ways of cornering or trapping the man of their dreams... even if she or that man is already married.
You may say, "Wait a minute! Those things are harmless; they aren't filled with filthy pictures and lewd scenes!" Oh no? Just because there aren't photos or videos of the actual acts, doesn't make them any less graphic.
Think about it for a minute. The man brain is wired for visual stimulation, hence the cat calls and whistles when a lovely gal walks by a group of interested men, or the tractor beam eyes that can instantly find fabulous cleavage in a sea of bystanders. The man brain is, at least initially, moved by what it SEES.
The woman brain, as we know, is different. Sure we like the look of a handsome fella, but of far greater importance is how he fits into our preconceived notion of the perfect Prince Charming. His thoughts, his actions, his ability to protect and fight for his woman, his gentleness and tender heart - that only she gets to experience.... his willingness to follow her and find her, to be with her at any cost. This is what gets at the heart of a woman, and that is why we don't need a physical picture. This becomes pretty evident when one of these characters is cast in a movie. Seriously, he doesn't have to be THAT attractive. Heck, the character doesn't even have to be HUMAN! He will be nice looking, because he is a product of Hollywood, but he doesn't have to be a woman's physical picture of perfect. She will still adore him because she loves the way his mind works.
The male mind is wired so that it can reach optimal excitement with just a peek at something sexual. We on the other hand are a little more complicated. More often than not, women want and even need to be wooed and romanced, in order to truly let go and enjoy sexual intimacy. We often need to experience relationship, emotional intimacy and trust, to totally let our hair down.
So the story builds... It begins with a description of the heroine, and then a description of the hero. Followed by a walk down the story line, to find the details of how these two incredible people miraculously found their perfect soul mate, out of the millions of possibilities in this great big world. Now, sneak down the trail of their budding relationship, and the odds they prevail against to make their perfect love work... Eyes breathlessly zip across line after line, as hearts pound and minds imagine and enter another couple's most intimate moments... This, dear Sister, is porn of the heart. Anytime we sneak into the intimacy of another relationship in our minds, whether real or imagined, we are voyeurs... Our minds are imaginative and creative, we don't need a picture to reach the same result; we need a story and it culminates into the same sin as the man looking at dirty magazines. Lust.
You may be thinking, "Well, this doesn't apply to me, I just skip over the explicit parts." Come on Sister, don't allow your heart be deceived! That statement is akin to that ridiculous male comeback that he only "reads Playboy for the articles." The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" When we allow ourselves to linger in the world of someone else's relationship and imagine their emotional or sexual intimacy, we are lusting. Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This goes both ways, girls. When we think of being with someone else intimately, or even imagine ourselves in another woman's life and love, whether emotionally or physically, we are committing adultery.
Oh the damage it does, when we allow lust into our hearts and homes. Surely, a wife who finds that her husband is using porn feels cheated on. She asks herself, "Why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty or sexy enough?" It can be crushing to her. But think of it: If a man truly understood what a romance novel or other medium does to the heart and mind of a woman... If he knew how she preferred to think of a character in a book before she thought of him, wouldn't his heart be hurt too? He may already wonder why his wife has no interest in him sexually, why she is satisfied to live without the romance they used to share. There is a simple answer for him: If she is satisfying her need for romance through her imagination, there is no need to seek him out for it. It may not even occur to her that, in turn, his needs are no longer being met, and the temptation to look outside the marriage for stimulation is becoming stronger and stronger. I Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Don't be a stumbling block - don't let your actions give another soul room to sin (I Corinthians 8:9).
If you are not married yet, you ought to put these things down as well. If you are wrapped up in someone else's love affair, how in the world are you going to recognize the one meant for you? Your mind and heart will be dulled to the leading of the Spirit and the intentions and affections of someone really special! Because, quite honestly, the romance waiting for you will look nothing like what you read about... but, it will be better.
As a society, we are also teaching our daughters at younger and younger ages to enter this world of lust and fantasy. I don't have to tell you what the most recent romance is, the characters are household names... but is that what you truly want for your daughter? Expectations so high that no decent, loving man could ever meet. What about the possibility of your daughter missing out on the man God chose for her because she will not be able to see him through Christ's eyes? Instead she will see him as lacking through the eyes of worldly romance rubbish! Maybe the liability of your daughter growing to live a life of secret disappointment, because her husband isn't rescuing her and sweeping her off her feet every moment? WHAT ARE WE DOING?! Why would we allow our children to enter this world and destroy their abilities to discern reality from fiction, to taint their minds with lies of the world. We would be leaving them to forever wonder if they aren't good enough for the "perfect" love they've learned to look for, never realizing it is actually made-up, fictional love.
Maybe this is already you and what you experience in your home... When we allow our hearts to graze on perceived greener grass, all we are doing is feeding a spirit of discontentment. When we turn our minds and hearts inward to think of only our needs and wants, or when we nurse desires that no human could ever meet, we build walls of selfishness around our hearts that no one will ever be able to scale. You say you want love, but Sister, what is love? Love is laying one's life down for another (John 15:13). It is selflessness... looking for ways to fulfill the needs of our mate, and others, before our own.
Why settle for second best? Why settle for romance written by limited, finite human brains? Why not allow God to show you the depth of the romance He intended? Take this before the Lord, ask for forgiveness and allow Him to rid your heart and mind of these imagined romances and then reenter reality, where real love and real intimacy can be experienced. Everything He does far exceeds our thoughts or expectations, and only His Way is able to fill and satisfy our longing hearts. Choose Him today, and let Him author the romance to surpass all romances, through you ! Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." What a hope and assurance that we can trust Him to do more than we could ever dream!
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Bible references taken from the New International Version
Sisters, why do we as women look down so smugly, so disgustingly, on men who struggle with the sin of pornography? Why do we have even an ounce of self-righteousness, when there is such an insidious sin that is no less damaging, invading the lives and hearts of countless women both in and out of the church? Yet this is rarely touched on. It is possible, that men don't understand the depth to which this stronghold in women's lives is damaging their marriages, and so they leave it alone. Instead, often they are guilted into believing that they are solely responsible for the breakdown in a marriage because of their wandering eyes... But have you ever stopped to consider the damage of a wandering heart and mind?
Sure, the pornography industry is booming these days, and it is nothing less than gross. But ladies, just as popular with females, has been the fantasy industry. Like porn, with its pictures, videos, websites, etc., fantasy comes in various forms too. Romance novels being a huge outlet, plus movies, TV shows, talk shows, and reality shows. Oh yes, and magazines that perpetuate the more popular fictional and celebrity romances. They create buzzes about other possibilities for our love lives through their quizzes and fake sex questions. This "entertainment" is effortlessly able to drag the mind down winding roads of "what ifs," sucking women down fruitless paths by imagining ways of cornering or trapping the man of their dreams... even if she or that man is already married.
You may say, "Wait a minute! Those things are harmless; they aren't filled with filthy pictures and lewd scenes!" Oh no? Just because there aren't photos or videos of the actual acts, doesn't make them any less graphic.
Think about it for a minute. The man brain is wired for visual stimulation, hence the cat calls and whistles when a lovely gal walks by a group of interested men, or the tractor beam eyes that can instantly find fabulous cleavage in a sea of bystanders. The man brain is, at least initially, moved by what it SEES.
The woman brain, as we know, is different. Sure we like the look of a handsome fella, but of far greater importance is how he fits into our preconceived notion of the perfect Prince Charming. His thoughts, his actions, his ability to protect and fight for his woman, his gentleness and tender heart - that only she gets to experience.... his willingness to follow her and find her, to be with her at any cost. This is what gets at the heart of a woman, and that is why we don't need a physical picture. This becomes pretty evident when one of these characters is cast in a movie. Seriously, he doesn't have to be THAT attractive. Heck, the character doesn't even have to be HUMAN! He will be nice looking, because he is a product of Hollywood, but he doesn't have to be a woman's physical picture of perfect. She will still adore him because she loves the way his mind works.
The male mind is wired so that it can reach optimal excitement with just a peek at something sexual. We on the other hand are a little more complicated. More often than not, women want and even need to be wooed and romanced, in order to truly let go and enjoy sexual intimacy. We often need to experience relationship, emotional intimacy and trust, to totally let our hair down.
So the story builds... It begins with a description of the heroine, and then a description of the hero. Followed by a walk down the story line, to find the details of how these two incredible people miraculously found their perfect soul mate, out of the millions of possibilities in this great big world. Now, sneak down the trail of their budding relationship, and the odds they prevail against to make their perfect love work... Eyes breathlessly zip across line after line, as hearts pound and minds imagine and enter another couple's most intimate moments... This, dear Sister, is porn of the heart. Anytime we sneak into the intimacy of another relationship in our minds, whether real or imagined, we are voyeurs... Our minds are imaginative and creative, we don't need a picture to reach the same result; we need a story and it culminates into the same sin as the man looking at dirty magazines. Lust.
You may be thinking, "Well, this doesn't apply to me, I just skip over the explicit parts." Come on Sister, don't allow your heart be deceived! That statement is akin to that ridiculous male comeback that he only "reads Playboy for the articles." The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" When we allow ourselves to linger in the world of someone else's relationship and imagine their emotional or sexual intimacy, we are lusting. Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This goes both ways, girls. When we think of being with someone else intimately, or even imagine ourselves in another woman's life and love, whether emotionally or physically, we are committing adultery.
Oh the damage it does, when we allow lust into our hearts and homes. Surely, a wife who finds that her husband is using porn feels cheated on. She asks herself, "Why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty or sexy enough?" It can be crushing to her. But think of it: If a man truly understood what a romance novel or other medium does to the heart and mind of a woman... If he knew how she preferred to think of a character in a book before she thought of him, wouldn't his heart be hurt too? He may already wonder why his wife has no interest in him sexually, why she is satisfied to live without the romance they used to share. There is a simple answer for him: If she is satisfying her need for romance through her imagination, there is no need to seek him out for it. It may not even occur to her that, in turn, his needs are no longer being met, and the temptation to look outside the marriage for stimulation is becoming stronger and stronger. I Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Don't be a stumbling block - don't let your actions give another soul room to sin (I Corinthians 8:9).
If you are not married yet, you ought to put these things down as well. If you are wrapped up in someone else's love affair, how in the world are you going to recognize the one meant for you? Your mind and heart will be dulled to the leading of the Spirit and the intentions and affections of someone really special! Because, quite honestly, the romance waiting for you will look nothing like what you read about... but, it will be better.
As a society, we are also teaching our daughters at younger and younger ages to enter this world of lust and fantasy. I don't have to tell you what the most recent romance is, the characters are household names... but is that what you truly want for your daughter? Expectations so high that no decent, loving man could ever meet. What about the possibility of your daughter missing out on the man God chose for her because she will not be able to see him through Christ's eyes? Instead she will see him as lacking through the eyes of worldly romance rubbish! Maybe the liability of your daughter growing to live a life of secret disappointment, because her husband isn't rescuing her and sweeping her off her feet every moment? WHAT ARE WE DOING?! Why would we allow our children to enter this world and destroy their abilities to discern reality from fiction, to taint their minds with lies of the world. We would be leaving them to forever wonder if they aren't good enough for the "perfect" love they've learned to look for, never realizing it is actually made-up, fictional love.
Maybe this is already you and what you experience in your home... When we allow our hearts to graze on perceived greener grass, all we are doing is feeding a spirit of discontentment. When we turn our minds and hearts inward to think of only our needs and wants, or when we nurse desires that no human could ever meet, we build walls of selfishness around our hearts that no one will ever be able to scale. You say you want love, but Sister, what is love? Love is laying one's life down for another (John 15:13). It is selflessness... looking for ways to fulfill the needs of our mate, and others, before our own.
Why settle for second best? Why settle for romance written by limited, finite human brains? Why not allow God to show you the depth of the romance He intended? Take this before the Lord, ask for forgiveness and allow Him to rid your heart and mind of these imagined romances and then reenter reality, where real love and real intimacy can be experienced. Everything He does far exceeds our thoughts or expectations, and only His Way is able to fill and satisfy our longing hearts. Choose Him today, and let Him author the romance to surpass all romances, through you ! Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." What a hope and assurance that we can trust Him to do more than we could ever dream!
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Bible references taken from the New International Version
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Lost and Lonely
I was at the doctors office recently... I had an appointment to discuss an upcoming surgery. Ever since, I just can't get something out of my mind. It really rattled me - not my surgery or anything like that... It is about a man who was sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be seen by the doctor. I was at the desk making my next appointment and I couldn't help overhearing his phone conversation... actually, I don't think anyone could have missed it. Here is what he said, to the best of my recollection, "No! You aren't coming down here, I don't need you! I am going to do this myself! Don't you dare come down here and don't you call and ask all your questions! NO! So! You pray with your sister every **** day! No! I am doing this myself, don't you call! I don't want you here! You and your crazy... You will just **** this up for me!! NO! Alright good bye." Ugh... my stomach ached as my heart sank. There were more expletives, but I think you get the gist.
I tried not to look at him, but I couldn't help it. I totally expected to see something on his face or person that would give away or explain why he would do that. I expected to see a mean and angry face to match the mean and angry words. I didn't. He looked like a regular middle-aged guy. The only thing that kept going through my head in that moment was, "You will miss her love when it's gone." I wanted to yell at him, plead with him, whisper to him... Grab him by the shoulders and shake him, until it changed him. Although, I knew deep down that only God can change him, only the saving grace of Jesus. I think I would have told him if I hadn't been afraid of being slugged. I failed in boldness, and settled for prayer.
I began thinking about and praying for the woman who loved him... So much, that she would endure those words... she must have endured them for years. Knowing how he would respond, she still told him that she wanted to be there for him, that she wanted to pray for him. My heart broke for her. What a lonely married life she must lead. Praise God for her sister with whom she can submit prayers to the Lord for this man. I thought that if he is like this when he is need (whether he realizes his need or not) what could he be like in his want? If this is how he speaks to her in earshot of a room full of people, what more must he say behind close doors. Her strength in the Lord still amazes me. Oh, Lord Jesus, please continue to strengthen her!
As I was walking out of the doctors office, I realized something... something that could only come from the heart of God... He had to put it in my mind, because I would be totally incapable of such a consideration. As far as I was concerned, this man was a miserable excuse for a husband. Then the Lord reminded me of the fear this man was suffering, like a stray dog locked in a noisy, cold cage at the pound. Biting at every person that tried to show him kindness, because he was afraid for his life. He reminded me of what tragedy this man must have suffered earlier in life or as a child, to turn on and treat others this way... The Lord allowed me to view him as a boy, which for some reason, seemed more lovable than an angry man - even though they are one in the same. My heart began to ache for this man too, and his loneliness. Alienating himself from the love of those God has put in his path... those loving him despite the abuse he throws out without thought. Someone so pained, he can't even see what he is missing. So lost, that the only thing that reminds him he is still living is that he can inflict pain. What a ravenous pit of despair, a bottomless pit that this man is furiously trying to fill, cover and hide with anger and hateful things... in attempt to distract himself from the sinking sand around him. Oh, Lord Jesus, please save him!
Do you know someone like this, who has hurt you or someone you care for? Can you love that person with God's love, as this wife loves her husband? What a lesson in endurance, what an example of unconditional love! God can do this very thing through you if you allow Him! Can you encourage someone who is in this kind of situation, can I encourage you?
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.
Psalm 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
I tried not to look at him, but I couldn't help it. I totally expected to see something on his face or person that would give away or explain why he would do that. I expected to see a mean and angry face to match the mean and angry words. I didn't. He looked like a regular middle-aged guy. The only thing that kept going through my head in that moment was, "You will miss her love when it's gone." I wanted to yell at him, plead with him, whisper to him... Grab him by the shoulders and shake him, until it changed him. Although, I knew deep down that only God can change him, only the saving grace of Jesus. I think I would have told him if I hadn't been afraid of being slugged. I failed in boldness, and settled for prayer.
I began thinking about and praying for the woman who loved him... So much, that she would endure those words... she must have endured them for years. Knowing how he would respond, she still told him that she wanted to be there for him, that she wanted to pray for him. My heart broke for her. What a lonely married life she must lead. Praise God for her sister with whom she can submit prayers to the Lord for this man. I thought that if he is like this when he is need (whether he realizes his need or not) what could he be like in his want? If this is how he speaks to her in earshot of a room full of people, what more must he say behind close doors. Her strength in the Lord still amazes me. Oh, Lord Jesus, please continue to strengthen her!
As I was walking out of the doctors office, I realized something... something that could only come from the heart of God... He had to put it in my mind, because I would be totally incapable of such a consideration. As far as I was concerned, this man was a miserable excuse for a husband. Then the Lord reminded me of the fear this man was suffering, like a stray dog locked in a noisy, cold cage at the pound. Biting at every person that tried to show him kindness, because he was afraid for his life. He reminded me of what tragedy this man must have suffered earlier in life or as a child, to turn on and treat others this way... The Lord allowed me to view him as a boy, which for some reason, seemed more lovable than an angry man - even though they are one in the same. My heart began to ache for this man too, and his loneliness. Alienating himself from the love of those God has put in his path... those loving him despite the abuse he throws out without thought. Someone so pained, he can't even see what he is missing. So lost, that the only thing that reminds him he is still living is that he can inflict pain. What a ravenous pit of despair, a bottomless pit that this man is furiously trying to fill, cover and hide with anger and hateful things... in attempt to distract himself from the sinking sand around him. Oh, Lord Jesus, please save him!
Do you know someone like this, who has hurt you or someone you care for? Can you love that person with God's love, as this wife loves her husband? What a lesson in endurance, what an example of unconditional love! God can do this very thing through you if you allow Him! Can you encourage someone who is in this kind of situation, can I encourage you?
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.
Psalm 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
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My 95 year old Grandpa sends me pictures to remind me of home :) I love his perspective and thoughtfulness.