Porn Dust In His Eye, Fantasy Plank In Hers

You have likely heard those words of Jesus' that can be found in a couple places in the Gospel, as in Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your bother's eye."

Sisters, why do we as women look down so smugly, so disgustingly, on men who struggle with the sin of pornography? Why do we have even an ounce of self-righteousness, when there is such an insidious sin that is no less damaging, invading the lives and hearts of countless women both in and out of the church? Yet this is rarely touched on. It is possible, that men don't understand the depth to which this stronghold in women's lives is damaging their marriages, and so they leave it alone. Instead, often they are guilted into believing that they are solely responsible for the breakdown in a marriage because of their wandering eyes... But have you ever stopped to consider the damage of a wandering heart and mind?

Sure, the pornography industry is booming these days, and it is nothing less than gross. But ladies, just as popular with females, has been the fantasy industry. Like porn, with its pictures, videos, websites, etc., fantasy comes in various forms too. Romance novels being a huge outlet, plus movies, TV shows, talk shows, and reality shows. Oh yes, and magazines that perpetuate the more popular fictional and celebrity romances. They create buzzes about other possibilities for our love lives through their quizzes and fake sex questions. This "entertainment" is effortlessly able to drag the mind down winding roads of "what ifs," sucking women down fruitless paths by imagining ways of cornering or trapping the man of their dreams... even if she or that man is already married.

You may say, "Wait a minute! Those things are harmless; they aren't filled with filthy pictures and lewd scenes!" Oh no? Just because there aren't photos or videos of the actual acts, doesn't make them any less graphic.

Think about it for a minute. The man brain is wired for visual stimulation, hence the cat calls and whistles when a lovely gal walks by a group of interested men, or the tractor beam eyes that can instantly find fabulous cleavage in a sea of bystanders. The man brain is, at least initially, moved by what it SEES.

The woman brain, as we know, is different. Sure we like the look of a handsome fella, but of far greater importance is how he fits into our preconceived notion of the perfect Prince Charming. His thoughts, his actions, his ability to protect and fight for his woman, his gentleness and tender heart - that only she gets to experience.... his willingness to follow her and find her, to be with her at any cost. This is what gets at the heart of a woman, and that is why we don't need a physical picture. This becomes pretty evident when one of these characters is cast in a movie. Seriously, he doesn't have to be THAT attractive. Heck, the character doesn't even have to be HUMAN! He will be nice looking, because he is a product of Hollywood, but he doesn't have to be a woman's physical picture of perfect. She will still adore him because she loves the way his mind works.

The male mind is wired so that it can reach optimal excitement with just a peek at something sexual. We on the other hand are a little more complicated. More often than not, women want and even need to be wooed and romanced, in order to truly let go and enjoy sexual intimacy. We often need to experience relationship, emotional intimacy and trust, to totally let our hair down.

So the story builds... It begins with a description of the heroine, and then a description of the hero. Followed by a walk down the story line, to find the details of how these two incredible people miraculously found their perfect soul mate, out of the millions of possibilities in this great big world. Now, sneak down the trail of their budding relationship, and the odds they prevail against to make their perfect love work... Eyes breathlessly zip across line after line, as hearts pound and minds imagine and enter another couple's most intimate moments... This, dear Sister, is porn of the heart. Anytime we sneak into the intimacy of another relationship in our minds, whether real or imagined, we are voyeurs... Our minds are imaginative and creative, we don't need a picture to reach the same result; we need a story and it culminates into the same sin as the man looking at dirty magazines. Lust.

You may be thinking, "Well, this doesn't apply to me, I just skip over the explicit parts." Come on Sister, don't allow your heart be deceived! That statement is akin to that ridiculous male comeback that he only "reads Playboy for the articles." The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" When we allow ourselves to linger in the world of someone else's relationship and imagine their emotional or sexual intimacy, we are lusting. Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This goes both ways, girls. When we think of being with someone else intimately, or even imagine ourselves in another woman's life and love, whether emotionally or physically, we are committing adultery.


Oh the damage it does, when we allow lust into our hearts and homes. Surely, a wife who finds that her husband is using porn feels cheated on. She asks herself, "Why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty or sexy enough?" It can be crushing to her. But think of it: If a man truly understood what a romance novel or other medium does to the heart and mind of a woman... If he knew how she preferred to think of a character in a book before she thought of him, wouldn't his heart be hurt too? He may already wonder why his wife has no interest in him sexually, why she is satisfied to live without the romance they used to share. There is a simple answer for him: If she is satisfying her need for romance through her imagination, there is no need to seek him out for it. It may not even occur to her that, in turn, his needs are no longer being met, and the temptation to look outside the marriage for stimulation is becoming stronger and stronger. I Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Don't be a stumbling block - don't let your actions give another soul room to sin (I Corinthians 8:9).

If you are not married yet, you ought to put these things down as well. If you are wrapped up in someone else's love affair, how in the world are you going to recognize the one meant for you? Your mind and heart will be dulled to the leading of the Spirit and the intentions and affections of someone really special! Because, quite honestly, the romance waiting for you will look nothing like what you read about... but, it will be better.

As a society, we are also teaching our daughters at younger and younger ages to enter this world of lust and fantasy. I don't have to tell you what the most recent romance is, the characters are household names... but is that what you truly want for your daughter? Expectations so high that no decent, loving man could ever meet. What about the possibility of your daughter missing out on the man God chose for her because she will not be able to see him through Christ's eyes? Instead she will see him as lacking through the eyes of worldly romance rubbish! Maybe the liability of your daughter growing to live a life of secret disappointment, because her husband isn't rescuing her and sweeping her off her feet every moment? WHAT ARE WE DOING?! Why would we allow our children to enter this world and destroy their abilities to discern reality from fiction, to taint their minds with lies of the world. We would be leaving them to forever wonder if they aren't good enough for the "perfect" love they've learned to look for, never realizing it is actually made-up, fictional love.

Maybe this is already you and what you experience in your home... When we allow our hearts to graze on perceived greener grass, all we are doing is feeding a spirit of discontentment. When we turn our minds and hearts inward to think of only our needs and wants, or when we nurse desires that no human could ever meet, we build walls of selfishness around our hearts that no one will ever be able to scale. You say you want love, but Sister, what is love? Love is laying one's life down for another (John 15:13). It is selflessness... looking for ways to fulfill the needs of our mate, and others, before our own.

Why settle for second best? Why settle for romance written by limited, finite human brains? Why not allow God to show you the depth of the romance He intended? Take this before the Lord, ask for forgiveness and allow Him to rid your heart and mind of these imagined romances and then reenter reality, where real love and real intimacy can be experienced. Everything He does far exceeds our thoughts or expectations, and only His Way is able to fill and satisfy our longing hearts. Choose Him today, and let Him author the romance to surpass all romances, through you ! Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." What a hope and assurance that we can trust Him to do more than we could ever dream!

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Bible references taken from the New International Version