Giver or a Taker?

One Sunday not too long ago, a friend of ours
approached me and gave me a hug. She said she had been thinking of us often and
wondered how we were doing.  This dear Sister has been privy to some of
the heavy things on our proverbial "plate" of life.  So in
response, I immediately set about telling her all that was going on, never once
really coming up for air.  You know what I mean, monologue style,
rehashing every last uncomfortable detail... Throwing in a, "but God is so
good," and a "despite it all, I feel so blessed" here and there for
a good measure of Church Speak. 

My husband, likely noticing my friend's eyes glazing over, stepped into the
conversation and asked her how things were going for her at school (she has
gone back to take some college courses).  I was immediately embarrassed,
realizing how focused I was on my own problems.  I had chosen to forget
that those around me have their own lives and things to work through.  She
gratefully smiled in response to his concern and said that she loved her
classes and so the long commute was worth it.  However, the day before, as
she was driving to school, she had been in a pretty bad car accident. 
UGH!  She had suffered a significant scare and set back.  If my
husband hadn't asked, I would have continued on about myself, never knowing
what she had been through.  Even more convicting was her faith. 
There was no complaint of, "Why me?" or fear of, "What shall I
do?"  She was trusting God in the details and sincerely grateful that
she was not injured or worse.  

I realized that I had again let myself sink into the arms of self
absorption.  Believing that my time, my life, my problems are most
important and imperative.  There in that self-wallowing place, we are less
sensitive to the Holy Spirit and His call to minister.  There in the mire
of our hearts, we are unable to love and sympathize with others since our
interest is tied up in our own problems, paralyzed by selfish
preoccupation.  We miss the blessing of loving others, encouraging others
- the very thing that will swiftly lighten the load of our own struggles.

Years ago, a dear friend of mine had lovingly committed to praying for me
and my family.  We were going through a pretty wide and dry desert at the
time, and I was so grateful for her listening ear and willingness to
pray.  However, my fears and flesh began to slowly suck the blessing out
of the love this Sister offered.  I began to see the relationship as a way
to dump all my problems, describe all my woes, and explain every wretched detail
of my troubles.  I chose to ignore that this friend was also living a life
mottled by problems, speed bumps, and grief.  I was so wrapped up in my
need to be heard, why I thought my life sucked so bad, and wanting to explain
why I needed prayer and how I wanted God to answer, that I forgot to be a
friend to the one who was taking so much time for me.  Worse yet, I had
forgotten that we are to thank Him even in the midst of our troubles, and the
sweet assurance that His perfect plan will bring all things good AND bad to
beautiful fruition in Christ. (Romans 8:28, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, James 1:2)

Finally, after many woes-me letters and phone calls.  My dear Sister
lovingly and courageously told me to shove it.  OK, not exactly, she was
much gentler than that.  In fact, as I look back, I can't believe how kind
she was.  She spent time relaying to me how God loves us and would take
care of us.  Then came the sentence that
hung in my mind for months, well actually, years.  She wrote, "It is
time to become a giver, and stop living as a taker."  She told me how
God had things for me to do that would bring Him glory.  Those good works
He prepared in advance for me to do! (Ephesians 2:10)  She assured me that
as I trusted Him, gave, and let Him use me as a vessel to pour out, I would be
abundantly blessed in unexpected ways.

She was right.  I began to take every
thought captive to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5) and find things to thank Him
for even in the days where it seemed difficult to simply function. (1
Thessalonians 5:18)  As God gently retrains my mind and heart’s
perspective (Isaiah 64:8, Romans 12:2), my thoughts are less likely to hovering
over the troubles I was experience.  When worries, fears, or complaints
come to mind, I am better able to see through an eternal perspective and
realize that they are no where near as weighty as I would like to believe.
(Isaiah 55:8-9)  It is amazing how self absorption throws reality out of
whack and causes us to believe we are suffering far more than we really are, or
that our problems are more important than someone else's.  I don't know
why it is so easy to slip into a proclivity of doom.  I haven't the
foggiest why self pity feels so darn warm and cozy, vindicating and right...
Because it isn't, and we must take caution to avoid that lie that only leads to
an ineffective and powerless frame of mind.

In no way do I intend to belittle problems you face.  Instead, I want
to encourage you to ask God to help you view these things through His eyes.
Nor would I suggest that you stop talking to godly counsel about your problems,
this is so important and the Bible tells us to bear one another's burdens
(Galatians 6:2).  But the verse says, "bear one another's," not
"dump your troubles and run."  Sure, it isn't going to always be
a fifty-fifty deal, but the intention is not to take advantage, spill or heap
our burden on others, or assume our needs are greater; instead, we are to give,
and share the load.

So... reality check for me.  Yes, hell or high water may come, but it
is nothing that our mighty God cannot handle if we only open our hearts and
lives to Him and surrender it all.  God is greater! (Genesis 18:14,
Matthew 19:26)  No sense in pretending anymore, dear Sister, we have never
been nor will we ever be in control.  So, why not let the Almighty take
the helm and enjoy the opportunity to be used of Him and witness, first hand,
the work of the Lord?  Being a ready and open vessel is the ultimate
drown-er and squash-er of troubles, it is a divinely appointed remedy for
woes.  No, those trials will likely not vanish, but your choice to focus
on something or someone else will help you to keep things in perspective, help
keep you from reacting out of emotion, and help alleviate the stress and strain
on your spirit and physical body that comes with worry.  The best part is,
our heavenly Father is patiently waiting for us to ask Him to do this work in
us!  The Word says, I can do all this through Him who gives me strength!
(Philippians 4:13)  He is ABLE!