Monday, March 22, 2010

See Where Antsy-Pants Will Get Ya

Yesterday, as I was encouraging a good friend to pray and wait on the Lord for answers to some serious questions about the direction and path for her life...  I realized, I am far better at telling others to wait on Him, than doing it myself!  What is wrong with me?!  I have seen God do unimaginable good in my life and in the lives of others... far exceeding ALL expectation EVERY time!  So, why won't I learn to wait on Him?

I have been praying about an ongoing glitch in my marriage...  sometimes it seems like a really big deal, other times it is just something that my husband does that frustrates me, and I in turn, frustrate him.  Although, in my pride, I struggle to see what he could possibly find irritating about ME!  Just kidding!  Surely God can bridge the gap and make things right, and we will live happily every after.  Yes He can, in HIS time!  I know this, but what could be taking Him so long?  I started thinking that maybe He was tied up with other things that needed His attention and He could use my help!  Feeling fairly confident that if I could hear the Lord audibly, He would say, "You've got this all figured out, and I'm on your side."  So, I decided to speed this whole thing up a little.   Besides, I figured if we got this out of the way we could move on and enjoy looking back on all the growing we had done because of my abundant wisdom...

I mustered all the tact and "truth in love" I knew how, and went and told my husband just how wonderful he WOULD be, if he would stop doing X, Y, and Z.  Completely expecting him to thank me profusely for my grace and wisdom in bringing this to his attention, I was blindsided when WWIII broke out!  I figured, if that was the way he felt about it, and if he was so ignorant not to appreciate my tact and constructive criticism, then  I would continue on and make things very plain and simple.  I'd spell it out for him without the warm fuzzies I had thoughtfully used to frost over his obvious faults.  And there we went... We started running in that vicious circle, like two hamsters in mad pursuit of nothing on the Wheel to Nowhere! 

Now, as I sit here and recall that verse that says, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..."  I realize that I didn't wait upon the Lord, and arguing out of my own strength completely exhausted my body and spirit.  I was wiped out, and so was my husband, with nothing to show for it except injured hearts, distrust, and a sense of loneliness.

Experience has shown me what can happen if I do wait on the Lord for His timing, and what can happen if I don't.  It is mind boggling, with the help of hindsight, that I continue to choose to rush ahead of God.  I liken myself to a dog out for a walk, who suddenly bursts out of its master's grip and heads right into the traffic of a busy street.  Disobedience, pride, impatience, it's all in there.  I think I am like God's "Marley and Me."  What a mess I can make in no-time flat, to the sheer bewilderment of those around me!

So, my hope and prayer is that I will be obedient to wait on the Lord when He calls me to, that He will give me the strength and self-discipline to do it.  He is ABLE, and a little duct tape over my mouth wouldn't hurt either!  Thank You Jesus, for Your patience with me, and my husband's too!  PRAISE GOD that He loves me just as I am, a work in progress!

Psalm 27:13-14  I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 40: 1-3  I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Proverbs 28:26  He who trusts himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.

Isaiah 30:18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for Him!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Who Made Me Judge and Jury?

Whew!  Serious wake-up call for me the other day!  I was attending my church Bible study, when I finally understood a concept that has been eluding me for as long as I can recall.  The Bible tells us not to judge others...  easier said than done - or at least that is what I chose to think.   So, what if I have opinions about some people, who wouldn't... Right?  WRONG!

Our teacher explained that the Gospel, or good news of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross, is for everyone - that all might hear, believe and be saved.  The rest of the story in the New Testament - the teaching of how to walk with God and live the life of a Christ follower - however, is only for those who believe.

It makes perfect sense!  It is ridiculous to think that we who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, and are indwelled with the Holy Spirit, could or would expect those who do not believe and are not filled with the Holy Spirit to be able to live according to the principles of the Law and Grace! Sorry, I know that was a run-on sentence.  Seriously, it is the Holy Spirit who convicts our hearts of sin and causes us to repent and change - becoming a new creation in Christ, and walking in the continual renewing of our hearts and minds.  His indwelling Spirit is continually remodeling us into the likeness of Christ, and causing us to want to live better and do better so that we might reflect Him more.  Not because we have to (grace check), but because we want to, out of gratefulness for all Jesus has done for us!  So, HELLO, it is crazy to expect Joe-Blow-Non-Christian to miraculously straighten up and fly right, without the help of the Author of the miraculous! 

But that's what we do, isn't it?!  We feel a ping of irritation when we see a mother smoking in her car, windows rolled up, and a toddler in the backseat.  We glare at those individuals lacking self-discipline at the office Christmas party, who don't seem to know when to stop drinking...  We groan and shake our heads when we hear about someone cheating on their spouse - not because we grieve for them and the pain they are causing, but because we think, "how could they?!"  Good grief, as a former lost soul, what right have I to respond that way?   Joe (mentioned above) may be able to wise up some on his own, but he will continually fail to find freedom from the sin that grips him, as long as he tries in his own strength.

I am so thankful for how patient and gracious God has been with me, the filth that He has overlooked and even removed from the slate of my life... So, why do I see others and judge?  Why would I allow myself to believe that I am any better than the next sinner?  Especially when the list of my own sins would easily one-up most of those I have let myself look down on.  That reminds me...  You know that famous line given by some non-believers, about why they don't go to church, "Church is full of a bunch of hippocrites."  Or, something to that effect.  Honestly, I think it is more than that... I think it is our self-righteousness that keeps them running from places of worship.  Certainly, they are aware of our condescension.  Please forgive me Lord!

Jesus spent time with sinners, not to stoop or fall to their "level," but to love them UP to His!  Love, not judgment, shines the light of truth on sin and brings conviction to the heart.  Because with love, God's grace is evident.  With judgment only condemnation lends itself.  Which would you have chosen in your pre-Christian state... Which would you have felt more drawn to when looking at life through the veil of an empty, broken heart and hopelessness?  Would you gravitate toward love and the free gift of grace, or judgment and the self-loathing of condemnation. 

So, yet another lesson learned for me.  Now, as I go about my day, and I catch myself sizing up others, judging their actions, attire or words...  I ask God to let me see them as He does...  In need of a Savior, loved no less than those already in the fold.  He is then able to break my heart for them, and I am able to see those things as just outward symptoms of a lost heart.  In this frame of reference, I am able to share His Truth in love, and hopefully, His unfailing grace shines through!

Luke 6:37  "Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Philippians 2:3  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 

Colossians 3:12  Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A New Song

In church this morning, we sang a new song.  Maybe you know it?  The chorus goes...

I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for you
I am free, I am free

Maybe I am slow on the uptake, but it took me 3 or 4 times through this chorus to realize we were not singing about being physically free.  If we had been, the song wouldn't make sense... Because there are children of God who are unable to run and dance.  There are people around the world who are believers, and are not free in various ways, their lives are not their own.  They may live in a communist country, are imprisoned or are bound by slavery... They may be in a painful relationship, or be married to an unbeliever.  They may be stuck in a dead end job, or indebted with no relief in sight.

When it finally hit me that we were actually singing about our spirits... I was overcome with emotion.  In Jesus, our spirits/hearts are free!  Free from condemnation and death for sure, but oh so much more!  No matter what our circumstance, no matter what the limitation, we are free.  No one, no thing, no handicap, can hold back what God can do in and through our hearts and lives.

Nothing can interfere with the love affair our hearts can have with our Savior!  NOTHING!  Unless we let it...  Unless we take our eyes off of Him, and let our focus on an eternal perspective waver with the distractions of life.  He is always there, always ready, always beckoning our hearts to take hold of the limitless love and freedom only found through Jesus. 

If we respond to His call, our hearts can run through the endless wonders that the Lord holds in His Word and in the testimony of His church.  Our hearts can dance before Him in praise and celebration. We are free to move mountains even if our physical bodies are bound in infirmity.  We are free to not only do what is expected or demanded of us, we can do more as unto the Lord. 

I am ready to run and dance and LIVE in the freedom of Christ Jesus with a whole new perspective!
Romans 8:38-39  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Galations 5:1  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. 

Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Meek... NOT Weak

The beatitudes...  As a kid I thought I was hearing "Be Attitudes," as though they were the attitudes of the person we are supposed to be.  Not right on, but a good start.  Beatitudes are actually declarations of blessedness or described as exalted happiness.  That doesn't sound too bad!  However, there was always one beatitude that I wasn't so sure of.  One that I thought I didn't want to identify with.
Matthew 5:5 says, "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."  I always believed that "meek" was synonymous with "weak," or "victim."  Who wants to be one of those?  I was thinking, "Leave the earth to someone else Lord, I will work on some of the other characteristics for my exalted happiness!"  It never made sense to me why God would ask us to be weak or a victim, Jesus wasn't!  Sure, He was persecuted and even killed in the most horrendous way, but He didn't have to be... He chose to!  So... wait a minute!  That is the key then, isn't it?  The key to what it REALLY means to be meek.
In my church Bible study recently, I heard the TRUE definition of meek, "enduring injury with patience and without resentment."  That was Jesus!  Humbleness out of forgiveness and discipline...  It is truly a choice!
Like you, I have been hurt by others... disappointed, worn, knocked down and pushed around (literally and figuratively), wounded, and deeply devastated.  Sometimes, I wanted to strike back, other times, I wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere and hide.  Sometimes, I thought I wanted to die...  But as I look back on those hurts, I see now, if I had only CHOSEN to forgive and not carry resentment, if I had even just asked God to help me do it... life would have been so much more joyful and peaceful, if not around me, surely in my heart.  He would have enabled me to endure through His strength and comfort.
Now, don't let me give the impression that He abandoned me in my hurt, He didn't, not for a second!  But I believe I limited what He wanted to do in my life at that time, by trying to survive it my way.  Funny how that attitude made me weak and turned me into a victim, the very thing I didn't want to be!
So, I have changed my mind!  I want to be meek!  I want God to mold my heart and life into HIS definition of meekness, not mine.  Hurt from others can't be avoided in life, but we CAN choose to see those who hurt us as Jesus saw even those who crucified Him... remember?  In love and meekness, He asked the Father to forgive them.   Lord, help me choose to serve and love others through meekness, as You first loved us!  As You first loved me!

Side note:  As a survivor of abuse, I would NEVER suggest that you continue to subject yourself to the mental, physical, or sexual abuse of another person.  If you are being harmed, you must seek help to protect yourself.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Lunch Lessons

Hearing about someone's most embarrassing moments, is a great way to get to know and understand them.  So, if you are going to get to know me, I suppose I should share one of my "moments."

So...  It was the summer of 1992.  A very "cool" group of people invited me out for lunch one afternoon.  I was so surprised and excited to be included, they were the well-to-do, hip young crowd that everyone wanted to hang with.  The "life of the party" types.

Until recently, I was broke and had been working two and three jobs to try to get by.  For the last few years, I had no time to go out with friends and even if I had, I hadn't been able to afford any "extras."  I had landed a new job at a retail warehouse, and was finally making some decent money.  Anyway, I had just spoiled myself a bit and splurged at a sale on a couple new items of clothes, undies, shoes, this and that, and a darling little sun dress that I was dying to wear somewhere - this lunch out would be PERFECT!

I got showered, did my hair up BIG (that 80's look was still hanging on in my town), took extra time on my make-up, painted my toe nails and got dressed.  The dress looked great, it was a pretty shade of green with little flowers on it.  I loved the straps, they criss-crossed in the back.  The skirt wasn't too short, but shorter than most things I ever wore, a couple inches above my knees.  It was made out of a rayon sort-of fabric, so it was kinda light and airy.  Since I had more time off lately, I had a great tan that year and made sure to shave and lube up my legs with some lotion.  I finished my look off with a new little (a relative term when you wear a size 10) pair of flat, strappy sandals, and was VERY pleased with myself.  I hopped in my car and headed for the restaurant, music blaring and singing along.

I arrived with perfect timing.  The group was just heading in the door as I pulled up.  I wasn't too early, looking too eager to hang out with my new "friends," and I wasn't too late, looking like I was trying too hard to get ready.  I headed in, and they all greeted me just inside the front door.  The girls were more luke-warm, you know how girls can be.  They were checking me out, making sure I was worth the effort and worthy of their popularity.  I figured I had some work to do over lunch to win their favor, how hard could it be?  The group decided to eat out on the patio because it was such a beautiful day an there was just one table left.  I was agreeable to anything, just wanting to fit in.  We weaved our way out to the table through the crowd of lunch-goers.  I was really enjoying the moment, I could hardly stand it!

Lunch was good, but I hardly ate a thing compared to my usual stuffing sessions.  As broke as I had been since leaving home at 17, I had learned to eat whatever landed in front on me, no matter how much or how little...  A girl had to be practical, and at nearly six feet tall, I had trouble keeping weight on my long frame.  I didn't want to look like a pig, and tried to keep my mouth free of food in case I had an opportunity to add something fabulous to the conversation.  Amid all that was going on, I kept noticing that the light wind crossing the deck was pushing my skirt up, so I kept one hand in my lap in order to maintain my modesty.  The girls seemed to warm up to me a bit, asking me questions about myself.  I was totally wrapped up in how perfect they were, and tried hard not to stare.  Their make-up was flawless, hair lovely even with a light wind at their backs, tans to die for and outfits that must have cost more than I made in two weeks.  We were all in our early 20's and I kept wondering how they could afford all that.

We finished our lunches, well, sort of.  The girls had 2/3's of a plate left over each... me included.   I was STARVING still, and wished that taking the rest with me was not uncool, but it appeared that it would be and so I left it behind.  I stood up from my chair and began my walk across the patio.  I was first because of where my chair sat, so I did my very best to look fabulous from the rear as I went, my new entourage behind me.  When I was about 15 feet from the restaurant door, I felt my cute "little" sandal catch in a crack of the cement patio.  You know, one of those purposely placed spacer cracks, so that the cement won't crack on its own in the cold weather.  Anyway, the toe of my sole caught and caught hard.  I had been walking rather quickly, because I felt so self-conscious, and so the sticking of my sandal caused me to launch forward onto my other foot.  Momentarily, I was caught in a lunge position, like you do in exercise class to tighten your buns.  I simultaneously jerked the foot that was stuck, which actually freed my sandal but also catapulted me forward like Superman on his way to save the day.  I was literally airborne with both arms extended out before me and with tanned, slicked up legs out behind.  It seemed like my flight lasted an eternity, when I noticed a beautiful an enormous pot of flowers in front of me... Funny, in my excitement earlier, I hadn't noticed the 3 foot cement pot just outside the door, filled with an array of cascading flowers and vines.  Lovely.  My hands hit the side of the pot and sent it over on its side with a loud thud.  It cracked in two and flower buds and potting soil went everywhere.  I was so mortified that I had ruined the arrangement, I hadn't even noticed my own landing.  There I lay, flat out, on the concrete.  I began to think through all my body parts, trying to tell if any were hurt.

As I lay there, I again became aware of that lovely breeze that had been going over the deck... why could I feel it over my behind?  It was then that I realized my sweet little skirt was up over my back and my rear was visible to all who wanted a peek.  Thank goodness I wore my new panties!  I quickly rolled over and looked up to see everyone on the deck staring at me in disbelief.  One of the young men who was with our group walked up and extended a hand saying loudly, "How many beers did you drink?"  Humiliation.  "Just one." I muttered.  Actually, I had barely sipped the one I was poured, I didn't like it, but wanting to fit in I didn't refuse it trying hard not to be rude.

As he pulled me up, I noticed the entire restaurant patronage inside was standing at the windows sizing up the scene I had made.  The group that I had come with tried hard to pretend that they didn't know me.  A girl at another table was laughing in hysterics, while a couple others were madly trying to get her to stop.  A busboy was already trying to undo the flower disaster I had caused.  I had to walk the rest of the way to the door, step over the flower mess, and go through the entire length of the restaurant dining room before I could reach the bill counter and way out .  As I walked I felt a warm trickle, and looked to see two skinned knees bleeding down my shins, messing up my pretty tan and excellent shave job.

I sat on the bench just near the entrance to the restaurant.  A nice looking man, maybe in his mid 40's came up and knelt in front of me with paper napkins he had wet in the drinking fountain.  As he put the napkins on my stinging knees he said, "My daughter is the one who was laughing at you out there.  That was wrong of her and I am so embarrassed.  I am so sorry."  I thanked him and he went back to the patio and his lunch.  I realized my new "friends" had already deserted me and left the restaurant.

I paid my bill and as I came out the door to my car, I saw the young man that had helped me up, standing in the parking lot near his car.  He laughed and said, "Nice one!"  I got in my car, radio off, and headed home.  Needless to say, I was never invited along to anything with that group again.  I learned so much that day.  It was a new beginning for me, in a way, deciding to no longer worry so much about what other people think of me.  It was a realization that "cool" does not necessarily mean "kind," "friendship" or "selfless."  Soon after, I was grateful for the experience.  I didn't have that sting of embarrassment in my stomach, whenever the event came to mind.  I knew I didn't need people like that, and was glad to have learned it, even at my own expense.  It is still is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but I can laugh at myself now.  The whole thing grew me up a little bit.

As for the dress, well,  that was the first and last time I ever wore it.  My fall had skinned little holes in the bust and skirt.  I hung on to it for years though, and whenever I would see it at the back of my closet, I would giggle at the reminder of a good lesson learned.
 

Proverbs 16:18  Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Galations 1:10  Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Monday, March 8, 2010

this little light of mine

I loved that song as a little kid... "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." I must have sung that song a thousand times or more. I loved it. It seemed so simple. My little kid mind could never imagine the struggles that would come and threaten not only to hide that light, but to snuff it out completely. Many times that light was in jeopardy because I thought I could keep it lit while playing with fire. Other times, it was nearly extinguished by the actions of others. Yet, here it flickers, hope amid the trials and consequence of choices. Now, I realize, I never kept it lit... Grace did. So, with thankfulness, and as God desires, I'm gonna let it shine.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may
be enlightened so you may know what
is the hope of His calling. . .
and what is the immeasurable
greatness of His power to us who believe. . .
Ephesians 1:18a,19a,

My 95 year old Grandpa sends me pictures to remind me of home :) I love his perspective and thoughtfulness.