Friday, May 28, 2010

Premarital Sex... It Gets Worse

OK Sisters, it is time to get down to the nitty-gritty.  Yep, we are going to talk about sex–risks of premarital sex, to be more to the point—and some of the medical effects you may not be aware of.  Sure, you probably got the spiel from your 6th or 7th grade health teacher.  However, there is some recent news out there that is going to transform the way you think about sexually transmitted diseases... and if it doesn't, then baby, we need to pray about your death wish!

I was listening to a medical study review (nerdy, I know) on the radio the other day and I was reminded of how loving God is.  He is not (contrary to what some believe) a "Fun-Sucker" or a "Kill Joy."  He is quite the opposite, really.  He is the Creator of everything that is good, including laughter, love, marriage and yes—sex.  However, He is also a loving Father who wants the best for His children; and despite our sinful nature, I believe He wants to keep us from making decisions that will cut short our days.  This is why the Bible is so frank about one such decision: whether or not to have sex outside of marriage.  Now, don't go closing this post thinking, "BOOORRRRRRING, irrelevant, old-fashioned!" or "Been there, done that, this one doesn't apply to me!"  Wrong!  There is no one more relevant than Jesus and nothing more relevant than His Word. 
The medical study revealed that new research shows many cancers are actually secondary to infection...  Sister, "secondary to infection" means that certain infections cause cancer.  In particular, viral infections, and even more specifically, infections from sexually transited diseases (STDs).  Sadly, medical research is finding that these STDs can and often do cause cancers later in life.

For example, you probably already know that certain strains of Human Papilloma virus, or HPV (genital warts), can cause deadly cervical cancer (not to mention other life altering effects, like the inability to have children).  To make matters worse, many men are unaware that they are carriers of HPV because they often don't show signs or symptoms.  This is tragic, since many men will unknowingly infect their bride, the love of their life, once they decide to settle down.  She will then bear the consequences of his and other people's poor choices.

That's fine, because it won't happen to you, right?  Well, wait a minute!  Let's just bring this information down to a reality level, and the consequences into your own backyard.  It is now estimated that 20 million people are infected in the USA; 5.5 million will be infected this year, and that is JUST with HPV.  That, my friend, is A LOT of busy people...  Hopefully, people will find this more concerning when they begin to learn that there is also a link between HPV and both oral and lung cancers.  Have you ever seen the effects of oral cancer?  If you aren't faint of heart, give it a google.  The treatment is not guaranteed, and the face and neck deformities can be devastating.  I have taken care of many people with lung disease and cancer; it too, is not pretty.

Then there’s "Kissing Disease."  As a nurse, this one was a shocker for me to hear.  Mononucleosis or Epstein Barr virus, aka "Mono" is actually linked to head and neck cancers, lymphoma, aggressive breast cancers and pediatric cancers.  Other breast cancers are now being linked to other viruses as well—viruses transmitted by sex.

Another common infection, Trichomoniasis (7.4 MILLION new cases each year in the USA), is now known to cause prostate cancer in men.  There isn't a huge increase in risk of disease after this infection.  However, if cancer does follow, the patient is three times more likely to die from it, than if he had not been infected.  So, the thought is, that when this virus causes cancer, it is a cancer that is much more aggressive and deadly.

All of this goes way beyond our previous thinking that most STDs are just irritating infections that could be medically treated and the effects eliminated...  These studies show that even though a person may be successfully treated for a "less serious" STD, there can still be devastating effects from these things later in life.  Out the door goes the notion of HIV/AIDS as the only deadly STD.

So... How do I tie all this stuff to the idea that we have such a loving God?  Dear Sister, He tells us to avoid premarital sex, casual sex, and adultery to SAVE US!  Not to upset our fun!  Once sin entered this world, He knew what the consequences would be for different choices and sins.  God is not old fashioned, He has been ahead of our medical knowledge all along.  He warns us in His Word to lovingly protect us.  Does a child have to know the extent of injury they will experience if they touch a hot stove, in order to obey instructions not to touch it?  NO!  We expect our children to trust us and respect us enough to obey, despite their understanding of consequences.

It is time to trust the Lord for His love, direction and protection.  Listening and obeying Him, in all things, even if we don't fully understand why.  Jesus says in John 10:10b that he came that we might have life and have it abundantly.  If we follow His leading in our lives, we can trust that He will bless us.  However, do you know what the first half of that verse says?  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy."  Anything not of God, is of who?  Sin and/or the enemy, and what is the result?  Death.  God couldn't be more plain about the Truth, so why do we ignore it? 

I Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."  Why then would we doubt God's relevance?  There is more disease and death due to sexual sin than any other time in history.  Our culture and others are bearing the fruit of that sin in disease and death.
 
If you have been infected with an STD in the past, my point here is not to scare you.  Instead, my intent is to give you the head knowledge you need to take care of yourself.  Mostly, I hope this awakens your spirit to relying on God for His direction.  If you have concerns, talk these things over with your doctor next time you see him/her.  Even more importantly, talk these things over with God!  If your health is at risk, ask your church elders to council you and lay hands on you for healing.  God is bigger than all these things, but He also gives us direction to protect us and help us avoid trouble.

Unfortunately, this post has only covered a glimpse of the terrible effects casual sex can have on your physical body.  As so many of us know, it carries an even higher price for our hearts and minds.  The damage to the physical body is just a shadow of what it does to the spirit.  So, spare yourself the hurt, and enjoy the freedom and thrill that comes from waiting for God's perfect choice for you in a husband.  The blessings will be countless for you as well as your spouse!  2 Timothy 2:22 tells us to flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

For those who are struggling with the hurt of past mistakes, take heart!  God can heal and restore your spirit.  You may have waded through the mire, but He will pull you out and set your feet on solid ground.  He can make your heart, and even your body, whole again.  Just because we have sinned doesn't mean that we cannot begin with a renewed heart today!  The Bible says, and that lovely song goes, "Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me!"  So, sit tight and give your loving Heavenly Father the opportunity to start fresh in you today, and provide you with the protection He desires for the body He created for you.  If you need encouragement, please contact me here.

Biblical references found in the NASB and NIV translations.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Come Just As You Are

Are you here looking?  Are you trying to find out if this Jesus you have heard about is for real?  Are you wondering if it is possible to really believe the Bible, the Word of God?  Maybe you are questioning whether or not you are worthy?  Maybe you are thinking that you need to clean up your act before you take your opportunity to meet Jesus?  Do you think that He won't want to hear from you until you get yourself together?

Nothing could be further from the truth!  If you are feeling a tug at your heart, if you want to know more - know this:  God Himself is pursuing you, calling you, wanting you to know Him, and wanting you to understand how much He loves you JUST AS YOU ARE!  The very God of the universe is waiting for you, is deeply interested in every detail about you, and is longing for a relationship with you!

Jesus, God's Son, didn't come to earth to spend time with "perfect" people or the "righteous."  He came to be with sinners, like you and I, not to stoop or fall to our level, but to love us up to His - by His grace, mercy and salvation.  He came to die for your sins and mine, but would have endured it all, even if it was just for one of us.

He wants to fill the holes in your heart that hurt, grief, and disappointment have made.  He wants to relieve your fears.  He wants to give you peace that passes all understanding.  He wants to set your feet on firm ground and lead you down the path and perfect plan He has for your life.  He wants to bring joy to your heart.  He wants to show you the love you have been looking for your entire life.  He wants you to see how beautiful you are to Him, His precious child and incredible creation.  He wants you to spend eternity with Him.

It sounds so good, doesn't it?  What are you waiting for?  Are you thinking that you want this to be true and you want to believe, but...  You know, there was a man in the Bible who's heart struggled with belief and he was even able to meet Jesus face to face!  Still, he struggled with faith.  I believe this man's story was included in the Bible for the reassurance of your heart.

In the book of Mark chapter 9, we read about a man whose son was suffering because of demon possession.  The man came to Jesus and asked, "...But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.  "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."  Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"  (vs. 22b-24)

If you too are struggling with belief, simply ask Jesus to overcome it in you!  Tell Him you want Him to be the Lord of your life and that you want to turn from your sins and be forgiven.  Ask Him to help you walk in His love and forgiveness, and teach you the fullness of His grace.  Ask Him to help you believe that He can do all that He says He can in and through you!  Ask Him for support and council through people who love Him and who will disciple you.  He will do it!  Just as you are, He will receive you and make you new.  Don't try to clean yourself up first; it is an impossible task for anyone.  Let Him pour out His love and Holy Spirit upon you, this is what will wash your heart and life clean. 

Our pastor spoke on this subject last Sunday.  He put it this way, "Jesus called His disciples to be fishers of men.  Now, I may not be a fisherman, but I do know one thing.  You have to catch a fish before you can clean it!"  So true!  Let Jesus capture your heart and life today, and He will take care of the rest!

2 Corinthians 5:17  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Romans 10:9-13  That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Song: Come Just As You Are, Crystal Lewis
Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
come and live forever

Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever

Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again

Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever

Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again

Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever

Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again
Life everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again

Come just as you are
Don't you hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Christ my King
Come and live forevermore

Biblical references taken from the New International Version

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Porn Dust In His Eye, Fantasy Plank In Hers

You have likely heard those words of Jesus' that can be found in a couple places in the Gospel, as in Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your bother's eye."

Sisters, why do we as women look down so smugly, so disgustingly, on men who struggle with the sin of pornography? Why do we have even an ounce of self-righteousness, when there is such an insidious sin that is no less damaging, invading the lives and hearts of countless women both in and out of the church? Yet this is rarely touched on. It is possible, that men don't understand the depth to which this stronghold in women's lives is damaging their marriages, and so they leave it alone. Instead, often they are guilted into believing that they are solely responsible for the breakdown in a marriage because of their wandering eyes... But have you ever stopped to consider the damage of a wandering heart and mind?

Sure, the pornography industry is booming these days, and it is nothing less than gross. But ladies, just as popular with females, has been the fantasy industry. Like porn, with its pictures, videos, websites, etc., fantasy comes in various forms too. Romance novels being a huge outlet, plus movies, TV shows, talk shows, and reality shows. Oh yes, and magazines that perpetuate the more popular fictional and celebrity romances. They create buzzes about other possibilities for our love lives through their quizzes and fake sex questions. This "entertainment" is effortlessly able to drag the mind down winding roads of "what ifs," sucking women down fruitless paths by imagining ways of cornering or trapping the man of their dreams... even if she or that man is already married.

You may say, "Wait a minute! Those things are harmless; they aren't filled with filthy pictures and lewd scenes!" Oh no? Just because there aren't photos or videos of the actual acts, doesn't make them any less graphic.

Think about it for a minute. The man brain is wired for visual stimulation, hence the cat calls and whistles when a lovely gal walks by a group of interested men, or the tractor beam eyes that can instantly find fabulous cleavage in a sea of bystanders. The man brain is, at least initially, moved by what it SEES.

The woman brain, as we know, is different. Sure we like the look of a handsome fella, but of far greater importance is how he fits into our preconceived notion of the perfect Prince Charming. His thoughts, his actions, his ability to protect and fight for his woman, his gentleness and tender heart - that only she gets to experience.... his willingness to follow her and find her, to be with her at any cost. This is what gets at the heart of a woman, and that is why we don't need a physical picture. This becomes pretty evident when one of these characters is cast in a movie. Seriously, he doesn't have to be THAT attractive. Heck, the character doesn't even have to be HUMAN! He will be nice looking, because he is a product of Hollywood, but he doesn't have to be a woman's physical picture of perfect. She will still adore him because she loves the way his mind works.

The male mind is wired so that it can reach optimal excitement with just a peek at something sexual. We on the other hand are a little more complicated. More often than not, women want and even need to be wooed and romanced, in order to truly let go and enjoy sexual intimacy. We often need to experience relationship, emotional intimacy and trust, to totally let our hair down.

So the story builds... It begins with a description of the heroine, and then a description of the hero. Followed by a walk down the story line, to find the details of how these two incredible people miraculously found their perfect soul mate, out of the millions of possibilities in this great big world. Now, sneak down the trail of their budding relationship, and the odds they prevail against to make their perfect love work... Eyes breathlessly zip across line after line, as hearts pound and minds imagine and enter another couple's most intimate moments... This, dear Sister, is porn of the heart. Anytime we sneak into the intimacy of another relationship in our minds, whether real or imagined, we are voyeurs... Our minds are imaginative and creative, we don't need a picture to reach the same result; we need a story and it culminates into the same sin as the man looking at dirty magazines. Lust.

You may be thinking, "Well, this doesn't apply to me, I just skip over the explicit parts." Come on Sister, don't allow your heart be deceived! That statement is akin to that ridiculous male comeback that he only "reads Playboy for the articles." The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" When we allow ourselves to linger in the world of someone else's relationship and imagine their emotional or sexual intimacy, we are lusting. Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This goes both ways, girls. When we think of being with someone else intimately, or even imagine ourselves in another woman's life and love, whether emotionally or physically, we are committing adultery.


Oh the damage it does, when we allow lust into our hearts and homes. Surely, a wife who finds that her husband is using porn feels cheated on. She asks herself, "Why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty or sexy enough?" It can be crushing to her. But think of it: If a man truly understood what a romance novel or other medium does to the heart and mind of a woman... If he knew how she preferred to think of a character in a book before she thought of him, wouldn't his heart be hurt too? He may already wonder why his wife has no interest in him sexually, why she is satisfied to live without the romance they used to share. There is a simple answer for him: If she is satisfying her need for romance through her imagination, there is no need to seek him out for it. It may not even occur to her that, in turn, his needs are no longer being met, and the temptation to look outside the marriage for stimulation is becoming stronger and stronger. I Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Don't be a stumbling block - don't let your actions give another soul room to sin (I Corinthians 8:9).

If you are not married yet, you ought to put these things down as well. If you are wrapped up in someone else's love affair, how in the world are you going to recognize the one meant for you? Your mind and heart will be dulled to the leading of the Spirit and the intentions and affections of someone really special! Because, quite honestly, the romance waiting for you will look nothing like what you read about... but, it will be better.

As a society, we are also teaching our daughters at younger and younger ages to enter this world of lust and fantasy. I don't have to tell you what the most recent romance is, the characters are household names... but is that what you truly want for your daughter? Expectations so high that no decent, loving man could ever meet. What about the possibility of your daughter missing out on the man God chose for her because she will not be able to see him through Christ's eyes? Instead she will see him as lacking through the eyes of worldly romance rubbish! Maybe the liability of your daughter growing to live a life of secret disappointment, because her husband isn't rescuing her and sweeping her off her feet every moment? WHAT ARE WE DOING?! Why would we allow our children to enter this world and destroy their abilities to discern reality from fiction, to taint their minds with lies of the world. We would be leaving them to forever wonder if they aren't good enough for the "perfect" love they've learned to look for, never realizing it is actually made-up, fictional love.

Maybe this is already you and what you experience in your home... When we allow our hearts to graze on perceived greener grass, all we are doing is feeding a spirit of discontentment. When we turn our minds and hearts inward to think of only our needs and wants, or when we nurse desires that no human could ever meet, we build walls of selfishness around our hearts that no one will ever be able to scale. You say you want love, but Sister, what is love? Love is laying one's life down for another (John 15:13). It is selflessness... looking for ways to fulfill the needs of our mate, and others, before our own.

Why settle for second best? Why settle for romance written by limited, finite human brains? Why not allow God to show you the depth of the romance He intended? Take this before the Lord, ask for forgiveness and allow Him to rid your heart and mind of these imagined romances and then reenter reality, where real love and real intimacy can be experienced. Everything He does far exceeds our thoughts or expectations, and only His Way is able to fill and satisfy our longing hearts. Choose Him today, and let Him author the romance to surpass all romances, through you ! Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." What a hope and assurance that we can trust Him to do more than we could ever dream!

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Bible references taken from the New International Version

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lost and Lonely

I was at the doctors office recently... I had an appointment to discuss an upcoming surgery. Ever since, I just can't get something out of my mind. It really rattled me - not my surgery or anything like that... It is about a man who was sitting in the waiting room, waiting to be seen by the doctor. I was at the desk making my next appointment and I couldn't help overhearing his phone conversation... actually, I don't think anyone could have missed it. Here is what he said, to the best of my recollection, "No! You aren't coming down here, I don't need you! I am going to do this myself! Don't you dare come down here and don't you call and ask all your questions! NO! So! You pray with your sister every **** day! No! I am doing this myself, don't you call! I don't want you here! You and your crazy... You will just **** this up for me!! NO! Alright good bye." Ugh... my stomach ached as my heart sank. There were more expletives, but I think you get the gist.

I tried not to look at him, but I couldn't help it. I totally expected to see something on his face or person that would give away or explain why he would do that. I expected to see a mean and angry face to match the mean and angry words. I didn't. He looked like a regular middle-aged guy. The only thing that kept going through my head in that moment was, "You will miss her love when it's gone." I wanted to yell at him, plead with him, whisper to him... Grab him by the shoulders and shake him, until it changed him. Although, I knew deep down that only God can change him, only the saving grace of Jesus. I think I would have told him if I hadn't been afraid of being slugged. I failed in boldness, and settled for prayer.

I began thinking about and praying for the woman who loved him... So much, that she would endure those words... she must have endured them for years. Knowing how he would respond, she still told him that she wanted to be there for him, that she wanted to pray for him. My heart broke for her. What a lonely married life she must lead. Praise God for her sister with whom she can submit prayers to the Lord for this man. I thought that if he is like this when he is need (whether he realizes his need or not) what could he be like in his want? If this is how he speaks to her in earshot of a room full of people, what more must he say behind close doors. Her strength in the Lord still amazes me. Oh, Lord Jesus, please continue to strengthen her!

As I was walking out of the doctors office, I realized something... something that could only come from the heart of God... He had to put it in my mind, because I would be totally incapable of such a consideration. As far as I was concerned, this man was a miserable excuse for a husband. Then the Lord reminded me of the fear this man was suffering, like a stray dog locked in a noisy, cold cage at the pound. Biting at every person that tried to show him kindness, because he was afraid for his life. He reminded me of what tragedy this man must have suffered earlier in life or as a child, to turn on and treat others this way... The Lord allowed me to view him as a boy, which for some reason, seemed more lovable than an angry man - even though they are one in the same. My heart began to ache for this man too, and his loneliness. Alienating himself from the love of those God has put in his path... those loving him despite the abuse he throws out without thought. Someone so pained, he can't even see what he is missing. So lost, that the only thing that reminds him he is still living is that he can inflict pain. What a ravenous pit of despair, a bottomless pit that this man is furiously trying to fill, cover and hide with anger and hateful things... in attempt to distract himself from the sinking sand around him. Oh, Lord Jesus, please save him!

Do you know someone like this, who has hurt you or someone you care for? Can you love that person with God's love, as this wife loves her husband? What a lesson in endurance, what an example of unconditional love! God can do this very thing through you if you allow Him! Can you encourage someone who is in this kind of situation, can I encourage you?

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.

Psalm 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

My 95 year old Grandpa sends me pictures to remind me of home :) I love his perspective and thoughtfulness.